Just dont know how im going to get out of this rut

Time has gone by and no marked improvement of my depression…what am i gonna do with myself, those people on the phone told me that no depression lasts forever… i think they were lying just to make me stay and watch me suffer a little more. Pills pills pills, after pills, having to look at my family each day and fail them again and again and watching their face as they feel sorry for me…asking the sky for a miracle so i can stand on my own two feet and live on my own and not depend on others… well oh well…. how marvelous. these last few days all i can think about is sex, wish i could just spend one night cuddling with a nice warm body that hugs me back and just have fun and feel alive again… i feel like its never going to happen again.. who would want a fat bozo like me… oh well