Ever had someone laugh in your face for trusting them? I never trust myself or my own judgement because my head is so fucked. Someone convinced me to give them a chance and that I was being irrational which is normally the case. Well tonight they literally laughed because I trusted their intentions and settled for less. I feel so stupid and so used and I am just trying to survive when I would rather be dead. I have prayed for death for so long and tried to kill myself several times. Why do I set myself up for heartbreak. I am not important to anyone, I am disposable, a spare part. What is it going to take? I regret every effort I make to try and rise above. It’s been so long I know better, I am over it. Please please please make it stop.
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I also don’t trust myself or my decisions but, I trust others too well. There were countless times where I’ve been used and then simply thrown out right after the fact. As if I’m just someone’s tool. I too wish that things like that would never happen again, but I know it will, at least for me anyways. Unfortunately I am unable to fathom sufficient words of guidance for at the moment, but I felt I should try to share something with so you won’t feel alone (If you actually do feel alone)
…for *you* at…
I appreciate your response. I try so hard to be a better friend and person thinking that is where I am going wrong but I get hammered for it and feel worse for wear. Thank you again, I don’t have anyone to talk to so it is nice to feel heard.
“Ever had someone laugh in your face for trusting them?”
Yes. And this was someone who begged and pleaded for my complete trust and unflinching faith… and then threw a fit when i only gave the appropriate amount according to what was actually earned. I trust myself too much to give trust where it is not deserved. I’m the only one qualified to know or decide what is or isn’t right for me.
It often feel that those who beg and plead for trust are ones to be weary of. Kind of like they just want to know they have you in their pocket for ego sake. In theory I get it and know where I go wrong or what I contribute to this pattern of mine, BUT there are things missing from me and my foundation that give me the confidence to believe in myself or worth or lack there of. Thank you for your response, it feels good to be heard when I would rather wallow in distress or make matters worse with the person who triggered these feelings
“It often feel that those who beg and plead for trust are ones to be weary of.”
I had to stop myself from embarking upon a huge dissertation about how and why i agree with that line, at the end of the previous comment. I’ll just say: i’ve noticed the same thing. But here, you’ve said it for me. I would define it as another type of “confidence trick.” Not too keen on being conned. ^^
Humans can be filthy, lying vermin. Even the best of us. We are a very flawed species in what can be a quite unforgiving world. Sometimes the good (best really) get trampled on. Why? I do not know. It hurts deeply to know this. I feel lost and conflicted about it. Who to trust, etc.? Maybe start with ourselves? But I am quite mentally ill so how could I learn to trust myself. I feel your pain. I have trusted only to find it misplaced time and time again. I have no trust left.
@clevername
I like the term you used “unflinching faith”.
Did you come up with that on the spot?
Kudos if so!!!!! That could easily be the name of a book or a band.
I wish i could claim that, but i’m not entirely sure i’ve never heard it elsewhere. So, you could say it’s half-mine, i suppose, because i did just sort of whip it out of my own vocabulary/experiences, without consulting any outside source…
It seems like it could easily be in an Aerosmith song, like something Steven Tyler would scream at the end of a verse.
lol… or, consider this: phil anselmo using it in a completely cynical way, with dime’s epic riffs and shredding filling the surrounding ambiance…
Oooh, or adjust that to a slayer context… i’ve always found araya’s vocal styles hysterical and amusing. It doesn’t get much more metal than that.
I love Pantera, (dimebag was actually born in my home town The Big E) and your right Pantera could school the shit out of that lyric, but I never really got into slayer.
Dime was my hero. His skills are still largely incomparable and unmatched, to this day. There’s a guy named Kenny Giron who covers most of his stuff very well, who posts mostly guitar vids on youtube. His sound mix is a bit different, but that guy nails dime’s whole style like no one else i’ve seen. He also rocks some Tool like nobody’s business.
I love the story of how Dime “disappeared into the barn for 6 months, and emerged a guitar god.” lol.
Another great musician who’s skills have yet to be matched in his genre and most youth overlook is SRV Mr. Stevie Ray Vaughan. The day he died was very sad day!!!!!
I agree. SRV did things that i think shouldn’t even be possible. 🙂
Have you ever seen srv’s cover of the Jimi Hendrix song “Third Stone From The Sun”? He slings that strat around by the whammy bar!!!!!!! I always thought of Stevie as the white Hendrix
I’ve seen most of his stuff, but it’s been a long time. I don’t recall that particular feat, but it doesn’t surprise me. The dude was special. He also played strats (stratocasters) with quite heavy strings, and was still able to do all those huge bends, play solos, and sing, all at once.