I lost my eldest son to suicide 7 years ago. Since then all the hopes and dreams I had have gone to hell. my daughter-in-law can’t admit to me the problems she has coping with me and the hurt I have to live with so she ignores me. This wouldn’t matter but it means I don’t get contact with my grand daughter and she doesn’t see how that hurts me. But wait there’s more: my only other son suffers from borderline personality disorder and takes everything that goes wrong in his life out on me. I lent him money 3years ago to get him out of debt because he and his partner were expecting a baby. I thought I was helping but no. I now only get abuse from him and I don’t get to see his son either. Why should I have to live with this? Why should my husband (not the father of my children) have to live with it? It’s only a matter of time before he gives up too. what did I do to deserve this?
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You don’t deserve it. It sounds like the problem is with the other people, unfortunately you’re stuck dealing with the consequences of other people’s failings. I wish I had better advice to give you, but the best I can say is stay strong, maybe they will see the error of their ways.
Thanks it’s just so hard when your son rings after 18 months of silence and screams down the phone “you fucking *****” them hangs up. I know it means he has had an argument within partner or something has not gone his way. I just wish I could hold him and fix it. It’s hard to see your own son in so much pain and be the one he blames. I couldn’t save my eldest son, what if I loose my other son?
Hey breathe. I can feel your pain . I too lost my son 3 weeks ago . it still VERY fresh.. you need to seek counseling find the right peron to talk to or somone that is willing to listen and hlep you through this.. i feel like crap all the time but i say to myself i will pull out of this.. just keep faith and try to start to think positive things. we all grieve different but we all share something together and that is life…. find that positive energy.. get strong!!!! get love back… seek a happier life with a friend, a relative or mans best friend..
To father of 4 I feel sad for you 3 weeks is a long way from where I am now. I actually handle the loss of my son reasonably well, still have good and bad days, it’s just the crap from my younger son that gets to me. I hope you are getting good support and thank you for your kind words and our pets have definitely been our saviours at times. there’s nothing like unconditional love to lift your spirits.
I hope that doesn’t happen, but I think you need to understand that he doesn’t really blame you. It sounds like when he has things happen that you’re just an easy target for him to focus his anger or aggression on. I don’t really know what the answer to that would be, so I’m not much help there, but for yourself I hope you can understand that you’re not the problem, you’re the scapegoat.
I don’t have any life-changing revelations to offer, just to say this:
He still makes contact…Whether it be to yell after a looong time, he IS still thinking of you. I wouldn’t wait to see if he comes around or changes, Isn’t that one of the signs of insanity? Same method, expecting a different result?
When things are on shaky ground in my life, I tend to take it out on my mother…Because I know she’s strong (whether she is or not…that’s how I perceive and need her to be). My mother is my rock. When this has happened, she tears into me, puts me in my place and pulls me into line, cold as a drill sergeant
It may sound harsh, but it breaks down my wall of being a ***** to her and when I’m mentally weak like that is when I allow her in and she’s able to help me.
It’s happened twice, both of which I needed more than anything. Harsh but caring. Cold but loving. All sounds quite bi-polar, but maybe just an insight into a child’s side?
If my mother let me get away with treating her badly…I’d learn to do it, most likely as a self medicating technique. It’d just become habit if she let me do it for too long.
Anyway, I hope it all works out. Sounds like it’s that time in your life where you’re supposed to be relaxed and really enjoying yourselves.
Take care
Thank you to everyone I don’t understand why but knowing there are people out there in the universe who care about others even if they don’t know you that gives you hope:-)
Don’t go down the “what did I do to deserve this” road. When you hear yourself ask this or feel it in your body, brake, and make a u-turn. That street broadens into a well paved expressway to CrazyMaking as your mind will seek to answer the question. See a karma clearing person if you believe in past lives, but otherwise just promise yourself not to go there, and turn and go in the other direction. No negative judgments, just keep moving.