for years now i’ve been a zombie with one though on my mind
one cold endearing constant thought through the good times and the bad it remains lingering in my mind like the stale smell of smoke in the room around me.
everyday i wake up i wish that i hadn’t and when i go back to sleep i wish never to wake again
a useless ****** like me doesn’t deserve to live anyways i just wish it were easier to do
i know i can get help and i know that things can get better with effort but i also don’t care i dont want things to get better i just want everything to end plain and simple i have tried to go but i must not have done enough because i woke in a puddle of vomit and im a ***** and i chicken out when it comes to any of the sure fire ways soon though i will be homeless again and it will be easier then i think
5 comments
Hey. I know you don’t feel well and I know things can be pretty shitty in the life and problems department. Is there anything that is worthwhile to you? Anything you do want to happen? Aside from dying.
to be honest no not in the last 6 or 7 years everything i do feels so dull and lifeless and i hate being around people i pretty much just work enough to keep my bills paid the retreat to my room and make plans i hang around with a few friends but its more of an act than anything just to keep people from saying “hey are you alright?”
Nothing wrong with telling people that you don’t feel well but I know the kind of attention that brings. Then you can’t wipe your damn ass without someone asking if you’re ok in there. Anyways. Are you into sports? Maybe competitive sport or an “extreme” sport like surfing, skateboarding, climbing? Sometimes the adrenaline rush and part of working as a group can make on feel very alive. Are you in any kind of relationship? Is it something you want?
i like sports about as much as the next guy but there not really my thing as far as group things go well i live in a rural area i can see both ends of town from my driveway most of the time what me and my friends do for “fun” is literally sitting out on the front porch drinking waiting for cars to go by as far as relationships go ha thats not gonna happen here im in the closet and if i were outed i would lose the 3 friends i do have but im not really looking for a relationship anyways besides im a scumbag hell i can’t remember the last time i showered and i’ve been wearing these clothes for around a week ha worst part is i dont even care
For how long you will sit there and treat yourself like you are nothing or worthless! !!
I remember when I had hard times like you and I think every single person has give uo on him-her self at some point
I did it for maybe weeks! !
I gave up on everything , I gave up on myself , my dreams, my family and my friends
and I told myself that I will never ever be the person I dreamed to be I will never be a good writer or a successful business women I don’t need. My family or my friends who don’t have a clue about me having hard times and then I asked my self … for how long I will sit here watching everyone around me fight for their dreams … and how on earth I have the right to blame my family and my friends while I’m faking big bright smile and acting like everything is okay .. then I wondered what if one of my friends or family is also faking everything like me and maybe she blame me for not having a clue about it … I will support myself
Those few weeks changes me to better person I’m fighting for my dreams and my family and friends I will be good writer I will be successful business women and I will be inspiration for every one who knows me
and you will too
Leave your footprints all over the place write your name with rainbow on the wall of the history or write it with sunshine . And don’t forget be you so you can be another sweet flavor on others life
I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion’.-Muhammad Ali clay