life is an abstract concept to me…
its like a dance that you cant really understand the concept of the movment seems destorted its like when you first read a script back or a story that you’ve just wrote you know it will make sense when youve ironed out the funny littel bits that arnt sapost to be there but its not like that i cant get rid of the littel bits im reading my life and non of it makes any senes it looks like a blood splat on a wall its got no struchure to it its just a mess some one said to me once in basic befor i failed my mentel check “life is like flying a plane you push one wrong buttion and you go in to a spin and spins are verey hard to get out of” thats what it is but i havent pushed any buttions iv been shot at with a mother fucking s.a.m. and im strugaling to get controle at the same time thinking whats the point in grabing for the stick when i can go out in a big ball of flame ? but then you think about evrey one you haft to live for and how people have reacted to you trying to kill your self befor and you struggel and get there then you lose hope and start crashing agine. im a potet people like my work even if i don’t think im much good im also an actor people say i should stick with it even though the people i work with hate me im wrighting a book thats going well but non of it seems to fit it just dosent theres no point were it meets up. i smoke weed that helps it helps with this, my back paine, my ibs it carms me down when the world is on top of me its posative im glad for it.
i will never be abel to get over this life will always be a werling spining balet it will always be a drimatic fucked up stage show ill never get over it ill never really get better it will always be there with the eb and flow of my life ill always be wrong in the head all i can hope for is a girl to walk by me so i can foces on her to help her like i have with my fends to love and be there for i wont whant anything i just whont need it i don’t like being looked after, ill haft to hope for frends to help for helping is the only thing i personly can admit to be good at but i still cant help my self i will haft to hope for peace and love thay are all i truely know after a life of hiting things its all i whant im tired of seterling things with my anger i hope now that some one will understand this in one way or another because fucking hell i know i don’t shit