I FEEL LIKE DYING

I understand your feeling of emptiness and desparation. We all need love and connection with each other, it is fundamental to our being. But the love that we get from others is not deep love – where we can trust without any hesitation, where the expectations of society no longer apply, and we feel deeply connected to each other. Instead, it is a love that has been distorted by the values in our society – love that comes secondary to expectations such as school/work, physical appearance, parent expectation, social expectation, social status and image, etc. Some say love is what will kill us but that’s not true. It’s when we see this “love” (that is secondary to social expectation) fail and leave us that it hurts us so terribly, and leaves us with a terrible feeling of emptiness and disconnection from each other. And to be disconnected from others is to be disconnected with ourselves (because we are all deep down the same, we long to be in love and feel connected to each other, but our society has caused us to not realize it and made us to feel very individualistic.) And we feel very lonely and desparate. We get suicidal because of there horrible feelings of separateness and isolation and not being able to love connect (not in the shallow ways that our society has people “love connect” with each other, but a deep love connect that makes us feel one.)
In our society, we fake smiles, we fake laughter, and we don’t speak our hearts because we are afraid of how people will view us, if they will think we are weird, if they will yell at us and tell us to “deal and accept it”, etc. When we see something we don’t like we often don’t speak up against authority, instead obeying and conforming out of fear. Most people live with a lot of fear in their lives, even if they don’t admit it or realize it. And when you see people who are “tough” or “stern” or “angry”, it’s because they never spoke up against what they didn’t like, instead obeying it because they thought they had to, or feared what would happen if they didn’t. Our culture is one of obedience, submission, and fulfilling expectation, even against our hearts. And it’s because of this that it is hard to experience deep love, deep connection with each other.
Also, society has distorted love’s meaning and most people have been conditioned to think love is about marriage and a wedding, and material things like looking physically beautiful, and a diamond ring. But love is deeper than that, and doesn’t involve societal institutions or expectations. Love is about connection in the heart, about understanding, and wanting to be with them and care and love them and experience life with them. Marriage – a societal institution – I think actually decreases our ability to love each other, because marriage is about keeping someone to yourself. It’s about restriction and fulfilling expectations. It’s also about financial security and materialism. But when you deeply love someone and feel deeply connected to someone, you don’t want to restrict them or force them to do anything. We all want genuineness, not something that is done out of expectation. But most of the “love” people give each other is out of expectation, and it’s secondary to social expectations and culture. Fulfilling societal expectations, which involves compromise and being fake, prevents us to feel deep connection and love with each other. And without that feeling of deep connection to each other, we feel alone and empty. It’s very terrible… fundamentally everyone commits suicide because they do not feel connected to someone else. If everyone felt a connection to someone, where they could speak about anything, where trust was natural and didn’t need to be mentioned, where being with each other meant more than anything, and where was no fear or expectation, there wouldn’t be any suicides.