No idea where to turn to anymore..
Everyday feels like I only am left to waste away more. Tired of people telling me “there’s so much to be thankful for” “think of the positives”.. Only how can I be so positive when the nightmares and flashbacks are a movie stuck on repeat. So vivid so clear.. The anger rushes over me and I quickly return to the blade . The one thing I know will never judge me. The one thing I know will never leave me or betray me. Suddenly feeling ashamed. Who am I?.. Where has all this gone. Why did I die the day he stole my pride. Where was I the day he took my soul? Only to be cursed for a life of living hell.. I feel like I’ve fallen in a hole. 80 feet into my death bead, I try to escape but the harder I try I only return another 30 feet deeper.. Where do I go from here?….
71 comments
I have nightmares and flashbacks, too. I know what they’re like. If you want to talk more we can together.
I’m really not sure where to begin.. I’ve never been good at talking all I know is that the only thing that feels right is the sight of crimson in the night..
I understand, I’m not really a topic I like to talk about, either. It’s good to have someone who can be there for you when you need them, though. I have a feeling that we have things in common. Well, besides the nightmares and flashbacks.
I just wish I weren’t such a coward.. Or wish that every time I try to just end the pain someone wouldn’t intervene .. I wish ppl didn’t judge when they see the marks or know the attempts.. I’m not psychotic I’m a fucking human! How is it possible to be so much of a failure that you even fail at your own death?!!?
Because death is a large unknown. There are lots of theories on what awaits after death, but no one knows for sure. I can’t say that it’s what’s stopping you, but it could be something. I used to cut a lot. I have this one really deep cut on my arm, near the shoulder. It took forever for it to heal, and when it did, it left a large scar. People assume I was stabbed there. I loved to cut, it felt wonderful to escape my mental torment, even if it’s for a tiny moment. I stopped when my Grandmother saw them. Her reaction was what made me re-think what I was doing. I’d rather suffer then see her scared of what I might do next, y’know?
I totally know what it’s like to be labled a psychotic. I’ve had schizophrenia my entire life. I hear things, I see things, and they all tell me that everything will be better if everything and everyone around me were dead. All the noise drives me crazy sometimes, and to think that it’s all in my head. The meds I take for it helps, but not much.
Maybe what you really need is someone to step in and REALLY help you. I think that you should take twistedspace up on the offer to talk together. You may find that you do have a lot in common and are able to help each other through sharing experiences/feelings.
I also have nightmares and ptsd, but prob not for similar reasons. Mine have improved a lot over the years tho I don’t know if we ever completely heal from things that we live through. I hope you can find some peace, really. It’s the worst to feel tormented.
I guess sometimes it’s past a “talking” point… Past where explaining is even possible. Past where you know how to begin..
Also I suppose I should mention my husband knows I cut and doesn’t care much.. I often wonder if he doesn’t care about it I’m sure he wouldn’t care much if I were gone as well ….. I try so hard to at least talk with him but e just tells me to “stop” or is quick to change subject.. I don’t feel worthy of anything.. If he can’t love me no one can.. I don’t understand why I’m so disgusting.. I don’t understand why I continuously fuck up EVERYTHING!!! How my body can kill and innocent child but it can’t kill itself !!?!!?
You’ve killed an innocent child?
I lost my first born son… My body killed him.. His own mother… How do you live with that? How do you live knowing you hurt something so innocent…
I wouldn’t be able to. Sounds like hell, really.
My own body betrayed me…
All I want to do is fucking be done.. I plan and plan and envision how it would play out and it all looks so right.. But why.. Every time someone gets in the way.. Is it too much to ask to end the suffering and be with my baby boy..
How did your body betray you? Did you roll over him while you were sleeping or something.
No he contracted an illness in womb.. Without warning I was holding him. Lips purple, so blue and cold.. Purely lifeless.. Screaming for it to me me and now dreaming to be together..
That’s horrifying. 🙁
I’m convinced that being with him is what’s best. I’m convinced that losing him was my sign that I’m not worth anyone’s time here.
I feel that way. I feel like all I do is waste the time of others. I kick myself in the ass for turning up an opportunity to die. I had a suicide partner, he drove me all the way to Brooklyn, New York which was more than a 2 hour drive from where I lived.
He had cyanide pills, I wanted to take them so badly. I didn’t even care about my suicide partner anymore, I had what I wanted, as selfish as that sounds. Before I could take it, though, my Grandmother called me. She wanted to know where I was, since it had been almost 4 hours since I last said anything to her. I couldn’t say anything to her, I just began to cry. I told my partner that I couldn’t do it as long as my Grandmother was still alive. He told me it was okay, but I could see that he was disappointed, I had wasted his time, too.
I felt horrible. He dropped me off at a train station, leaving me to find my own way home. I was so angry at myself, that day in April was supposed to be my last day alive. Yet here I am. All because I didn’t want to put my Grandmother through her worst fears. I wish I hadn’t taken my phone.
I tried back in March.. My husbands car was in our garage.. Which was closed. I had started it and I turned on music. I had all my letters written and then a “friend” who had been texting me earlier knew something was wrong so he swung by and he found me and took the keys.. Now I just constantly of more creative secretive ways and play them out and it all seems so perfect
Seems impossible for people like us to leave this world. When there are people who are actually suffering in this world, they have the hardest time leaving. But say some tramp with boy trouble who wants to end it for bullshit reasons can do it easily. I hate that shit.
What good what come from such an empty worthless shell of a human like me?!
I sent a reply, but it says it’s awaiting moderation. Could someone get on that, please? Thanks. 🙂
Your baby getting sick was in NO way your fault. Your depression has you convinced that you were somehow to blame.
Your husband may not be the right person to talk to, but that doesn’t mean talking isn’t helpful. Try talking to someone who has lived through or is currently living thru depression. I still say twistedspace made an offer to reach out and connect and it might be a good idea to try. That’s where I have found some comfort and understanding, here on sp. People don’t just tell you to get over it, to snap out of it or wtv. We understand the feelings, chemical imbalances and everything else that accompanies and causes our conditions.
This is terrifying level of pain DarkestRaven. I’m trying to support my friend who is also experiencing flashbacks and nightmares and is living in quite a stressful situation. I’m not entirely sure how to help but I’ll be following your posts to see how you are coping.
Please do not read too much into your son’s passing, sometimes life sends us suffering that we are not meant to learn from. I think they are merely a backdrop for us to see the good stuff a little bit sweeter (as small as they may be).
It was my fault. As a “mother” were supposed to have “motherly” instances I failed. I failed to save him.. My body let him die which means I let him die.. My body killed him but it can’t kill itself. I know I keep saying that but I just don’t understand. I often think maybe it could’ve been karma too.. Maybe because I didn’t scream loud enough or try hard enough to get that man off of me that night when I was 15 maybe because I didn’t try hard enough to get him off maybe it’s pay back for a sin.. For letting that man do those things when he had another woman.. But then I laugh and think no because in order for it to be a sin there has to be a God or some higher power and if there was a higher power and someone that’s supposed to create miracles why in the HELL is there so much fucked up shit in this world?! As for my husband it’s not me I try to talk he tells me to stop I’m not sure if it’s because he doesn’t have much emotion towards anything because of being in the army but he just shoves me aside.. I’m pretty sure he know it’s my fault our son is dead.. But he’s deployed now. I have no family no friends.. If I were to die tonight no one would even know… I find that somewhat amusing. Again it just proves my worth…. 0
You wouldn’t blame yourself if your body developed cancer, like somehow you made the cancer. How is it any different with your son? I read earlier it was a virus that affected him in your womb. This is a very common occurrence. ALL women’s immune systems are weakened during pregnancy in order to facilitate the growth of the baby. It is not your fault and you have recognised this already. This is why we are gunning so hard to get everyone vaccinated so that herd immunity will protect those who cannot be (pregnant women included alongside infants etc).
I think society has potrayed the “ideal” mother to the most extreme extend possible. Either the worst or the best mother, the standards are so extreme that few can fit them. Because the extremes are so focused on, we have had few examples of what an average or normal mother is like. Such is that if we feel like we haven’t been the best mother, we align ourselves with the worst.
If you truly believe you are an awful mother, then you need to meet my mother, or the other mothers here who threw their children out of their hearts without hesitation. Your son however had his mothers eternal love, to the point where she will throw away the only thing she has left – her life – to be with him. I think thats pretty fucking special.
Sorry if all this sounds stupid, but I don’t see a redundant woman. I see a strong woman with an immense level of suffering having a very human reaction to a terrible circumstance.
You wouldn’t blame yourself for cancer because it’s something that grew and just happened.. However maybe if I had requested a certain test or trusted my guy feeling that something was wrong he’d be here.. But I failed him. I didn’t think I could possibly feel any more empty after what happened when I was 15 but I did the day that I saw and felt his cold lifeless body.. The worst part is as hard as I try and try I can’t remember what his tiny feet look like and I don’t remember saying goodbye.. All I can remember is screaming and pleading I take his place… Asking why over and over.. I find it horrible that I can still see hear and feel the almost 40 yr old man who did things to me when I was 15 but I can’t remember my sons tiny feet or saying goodbye.. I feel
like everytime I try to get back up something always shoves me back down. That man that I thought took all of my souls when I was a child apparently did not take it all but whatever was left my son took with him and the only way for peace is to be with him. Ppl say he knows my love but I don’t think he does I constantly look at his urn asking him to just visit me one time it give me a sign that he’s ok and he never does.. I feel so disgusting.. How can I remember that man who took everything from me but I can’t remember him or saying goodbye.. All I have are pictures of a little blue baby boy… I know I’m mumbling on and I probably don’t make any since but my urges are so strong right now that I just can’t even seem to think straight…
I was raped, too. Repeatedly. Not trying to one-up you or anything. Just saying that I know what it’s like.
I get what is going through your mind right now. Totally natural. But yeah unfortunately its something you need to feel to the fullest extent before you can begin to pick up the pieces and find some comfort in your life. Its coming, I promise. Death doesn’t need to be that outlet.
You did what you could knowing the information you had. Nothing would have changed the circumstances. People will say otherwise, but really nothing will.
You don’t remember the details of those moments because they were even MORE traumatizing for you than what that man did to you so your mind had to block them out as a survival mechanism.
I hope this doesn’t sound wrong but I’d rather remember my son then remember that sick bastard and all the ppl who knew what he did but couldn’t stand up to say anything.. So now not only do I feel disgusting and worthless because of him and those ppl I also feel like a complete failure.. I failed to make him stop what he was doing and I failed at protecting my son and preventif his death…
I can’t do this anymore………..
Don’t do anything stupid, Raven. 🙂
I’m sorry……. I suppose finding this place and joining was pointless if I knew this was going to be the end result…. I hope you all find what you’re looking for…
It’s a forum, what were you expecting? It’s not going to make all your problems go away if that’s what you were looking for.
No I just figured maybe I’d feel a different way…. I’m so stuck I just want to be able to explain it all but I don’t even know where to begin.. I don’t want to be this way. I hate who I have become.. I don’t even know if this makes any since but I’ve become somewhat afraid of myself… I’m afraid of my own thoughts I’m afraid of my own anger and the ways I lash out..
It makes sense to me. I feel the same way. I’ve even had nightmares where I kill various members of my family. Everyone of them excluding my Grandmother I hate with a passion, but I don’t want to kill them. I’m afraid of prison, and what would happen to me if I went. I’m not really a violent person anyway, so it scares me to think that I could kill someone. Anyway, is that kind of what you go through?
No I’m scared of myself I’m scared if what I’ll do next… I don’t want to be trapped I want to be “normal”.. I don’t want my husband I be ashamed of being with me anymore.. I want to be worth it… I want to feel like I mean something… I don’t want to feel so dead and not be dead… I suppose a part of me being afraid is in order to actually talk I have to say things I was sworn to never say. If I tell anyone someone will find out and they’ll kill me.. While I enjoy the fact of being dead I don’t want to die at the hand of some on else I would rather do it myself..
YOU are worth it, if your husband can’t be supportive of the ptsd that you’re living through due to the loss of your baby, hthen maybe HE needs to face that he needs some help as well.
Sounds like you need help, then. There isn’t much advice I could give you. I could be your friend, though. I’m good at being a friend. :3
See that’s the thing I’m afraid to go anywhere.. I don’t want my husband to leave me.. Even though I know it could possibly end later I’m afraid that if he actually knew something was really wrong with me and if I were diagnosed with something it make me damaged goods.. But I guess a already pretty much am seeing as how he pushes me away when he’s home.. Now that he’s gone thousands of miles away we’ve grown more apart than ever… I feel like I’m losing everything…
I’m not sure if it makes me sound pathetic but I’ve thought about going to the er when I really feel like dying and going through with it.. The moments I really panic. But I don’t drive and I have no family or friends where I live so there’s no way for me to get to a place for help…
Your name isn’t Holly by any chance, is it? I might know you. xD Everything you’re telling me is something she would say.
No… Not anywhere near holly.. But that’s a pretty name and I wish my name were that beautiful.
Oh. I was friends with this woman who wanted me to buy ******** for her. I didn’t have the money for it, and we eventually drifted apart. I do agree, she had a wonderful name. 🙂
DR it’s absolutely heartbreaking to hear about your son. You said you weren’t good at talking, but you expressed the loss so vividl, when you speak of not remembering ‘his tiny feet’. I’m desperately sorry for what you have gone through. I feel inadequate to say much else, but your story has really touched me…
I have a beautiful son, now 18, but my body managed to donate to him an infectious disease called Hepatitis B at birth. He has to carry that for the rest of his life, you can imagine the guilt I feel I’m sure but of course, I had no idea that I had it (like most adults my body expelled the virus naturally so I no longer have it but he does because a baby’s immune system isn’t developed). Of course I devoutly wish I had it and he didn’t. What a world when the newborn innocent gets saddled with a potentially life-threatening disease through absolutely no fault of its own.
Sometimes all of this shit makes me want to end it. But reading your story makes me know how lucky I am and was that my son is alive. Please don’t blame yourself any more for his death DR. It is so totally not your fault.
The last thing she wants to read is how you were able to save your son and that she wasn’t. You’re practically rubbing it in her face by mentioning it.
I’m really not sure what to say….. Accept I feel like I’m losing it
Sweetie, you are suffering through post traumatic stress disorder due to the loss ofyour son and Possibly other unrelated issues that you haven’t mentioned, but you should seek help from a doctor or an er dept if you feel at risk right now. With some therapy/support and maybe meds, I’m confident that yourstate of mindcan heal or at least improve.
Don’t call her sweetie. You don’t know her like that. xD
As mentioned above I don’t drive and I have no family here or friends which means I have no way around to go anywhere.. Not only do the demons have control over my mind and have me trapped but I am literally trapped… Who am I supposed to talk to.. All I have are these walls… This blade… A lighter.. It’s all getting so old… Sure feeling that pain drip down your skin is a fix… Sure the lifter that burns the sorry feels good but it’s all temporary… What’s really going to fix it all..?… I’m tired of being able to feel that sicko touch me still and seeing every little detail in that moment. Hearing his voice feeling his disgusting breath.. Nothing can take that away… He took who I am he took who I could have been… He won the battle.. He gets to walk free and never feel an ounce of guilt or regret while I relive every fucked up moment he gave me… From being drug by my hair across the floor to spit on to having to run up and down the steps until I vomit… I should’ve known then and there that I had no worth.. I should’ve known I will never be worthy of happiness or love…
No Twisted,
Shes not rubbing it in. She has a son that she have a life threatening illness to…that’s grief and guilt on a whole other level. Darkest Raven,
I lost my first son, I too had a body that failed my child. I had eclampsia and extremely high blood pressure and started seizing during delivery and I killed my child. The guilt was horrible and I never wanted to go thru that again. But somehow, I did get thru it, although not a day goes by that I don’t think of my first son. I did manage to sucessfully deliver my next two sons, although I was terrified the entire time. But just as things get better, life ebbs and flows. The kids and I lost their father when they were 17 & 19, I found him dead on the couch. The love of my life was dead. I didn’t want to go on. And then, I dealt with rape, just like u did, although it was the second time for me. The hardest part of it was that it happened just a few months after I lost my husband. But, all thru this, I did have my children. And although since they weren’t really adults and I couldn’t talk to them about my sadness…i almost killed them when I tried to take my life with over 200 lortab and xanax. And I lived…dammit. But life right now, while not great and I’m incredibly lonely, is not as bad as it was. It did take a long time to get over losing my first born, but u will recover and u will give birth one day. And u can give that baby all the love that you would have given ur first born. Thats what I did..and now my second born has given me a precious grandbaby. And while I’m too young to be a grandmother …i am enjoying having a baby around again. I guess my long drawn out message is that life hands you a lot of shit…but it also hands you beautiful moments that you will never forget. I pray that when u are ready..that you have beautiful babies to love and nurture….i believe it for u and u will be in my prayers. I know that I rambled and I’m sorry for that. If u ever need to talk…I’m a good listener. I’m also a nurse, so I can answer questions if Im able. -C
I guess I should’ve mentioned a while ago that I do have another son… And while many of you may see it as a happy thing.. It’s actually made me more upset.. I feel like my first son resents me. I feel like he thinks now that I have this child he’s been replaced. I don’t love my second born any less I’m just saying looking at him makes me think of my first born more than I ever have.. I hope I don’t sound “selfish”? Idk if that’s the right word to use there but it’s actually made things more difficult.. I’m proud that he is healthy but I am upset that he has all this family and my first born has no one. I feel like my first born is calling for me and that’s why I have such strong feelings like he resent me… Idk maybe I’m wrong but it’s just how I feel and I can’t control that..
You have another son, and you’re fucking obsessing over this other shit that died? You’re more fortunate than you like to think. Count your belessings and stop with the suicide shit.
Yourw wrong.Simple as that. The thing thats telling you that youre not worthy and you should end it all—THAT’S YOU. Its the same thing that says youre not ___ or _____ enough..that you’re a burden to others…that nobody will love you if your marriage ends(Bs,by th way)..Its YOU. Youre maligning and beating yourself up…and if you cannot stop listening to the poison,and cant stop believing these lies,then youre going to kill yourself –it will take time and continual misery to get to the bottom where you can’t bear another minute alive but you Will get there. Do you believe that when a pregnant woman loses her baby,its because she wasn’t a better person,or good enough? Do you believe this or do you believe it only for yourself? When babies die in the womb there are a thousand reasons that could’ve caused it…..drugs and alcohol are the two that everyone can agree on that would make the mother responsible,but I simply don’t see how you are blaming this tragedy on yourself,if it wasn’t from drugs,alcohol,cliff diving, demolition derby, etc. Things that are reckless and stupid to do when pregnant. Your compulsion to blame yourself ,and to then scourge yourself about being raped…These things are LIES. Dont believe these hateful lies.
Since I’ve been reading other peoples posts and have had people comment on mine I have come to feel not so bitter and angry at the moment. So while I’m here could I ask you or any of the other ppl who see this a question.. How did you work up courage? Or strength? Courage and strength to actually go through with talking to someone and seeking professional help?
Omg-you have a child ….and you are telling yourself that the child who was stillborn hates that you are raising a sibling and is angry???This is fucking ludicrous. Whats happening here,is that your living, breathing ,physically present child is going to be instilled with a feeling of not being good enough,and a sense of inadequacy ,and an acute sense of rejection,and be always aware that the dead baby was worthy of his mothers love, but not him. What are you doing? Why? You need counseling.You need to learn to set aside the selfish persecution youre living in.Put yourself aside and put your son on the top of the list. Thats what parents do. Be a mother instead of a miscarriage martyr! Its desperately selfish.
Yes-its extremely selfish. And you are most certainly putting the dead child on a pedestal,and the living child WILL be acutely aware of this as he grows up. No,I dont say to you”get over it”…I say set it down , because its always gonna be there,but you dont have to carry it around your neck,and by association,wrap it around your loved ones necks,as well.
Yeah she is, don’t correct me, whore.
Although I know you have your own issues.. Calling my son who passed away a little shit is way too far for me… I really hope you can find help…
I also agree with cagedtiger. What you have gone thru needs therapy. Your husband is deployed which means that your military. In the US? If so, they have services and transportation for you….this I promise. Do u live on base?
Yea I live on post and it only contributes to more sadness as the one friend I had who I met my husband through isn’t allowed to hang out with me anymore because my neighbors assumed since he was a guy that I was a cheating whore… Of course according to all the ppl who think I lied about that disgusting bastard when I was 15 would agree that I am one.. So now not only have I been shut out by family and friends I’m also looked at and judged everytime I step out if my house to check my mail… Do you know how it feels to be this lonely and hear your whole neighborhood throw a block party and you’re the only one who didn’t get a knock at the door to come join…. Maybe I sound pathetic but I’m just too angry!!!! Do they even understand that I tried to kill myself in the garage? That I had the car running and was ready to slip away?! That there could have been a body in the garage for days weeks maybe even months without anyone noticing because they’re too selfish to see past a woman being friends with a male and have to judge by looks and not actually get to know someone..? Everytime I go out to smoke I think to myself how easy it would e to throw a rope over the rafters and be done.. No one would intervene because no one comes around anymore…. It sounds so good to just stop the flashbacks and all the horrid memories…
Jesus Christ on a cracker…are you fricking serious? You wonder if your neighbors know how near to suicide you came? What makes you think that you have the right to expect strangers to feel guilt or remorse for someone they dont know or care for? You wonder these ridiculous narcissistic fantasy drama questions,but you dont mention your child and how sick and sad he would be to lose his mother. You are more concerned about what strangers think…..Do you see how sick your thinking is? Your priorities are completely out of order. Go to counseling and concern yourself with the living MORE than the dead..you don’t have to stop caring and grieving for the one who died..but you do need to find a way to be in the present with your living child
..
I’m really not selfish I take care of my living son all on my own and I do my best I can at it. I realize I haven’t gotten over the death of my first son and that I need to focus more on my living son.. I realize I need help and I am trying to find the courage to I just haven’t figured out how yet because I’m afraid if I do seek help that they’ll take my living son away and the thought of losing another child (maybe not in the same form) is just painful because he is literally the reason I am still here and the reason I still continue to wake up. He’s the one thing that gives me the littlest glimpse of light still.. I’m not saying my neighbors should know I’m near suicide I’m saying I don’t understand how people can be so quick to judge someone they barely know.. Sorry if it was misunderstood I tend to rant and go on and not realize what I’m typing when I’m that upset and worked up.. Also this is a virtual world so we can’t express everything right off the bat it takes time to understand someone on exactly what they think and even then people may still not fully see eye to eye
Do I know what it feels like? If I killed myself, no one would call me for weeks and certainly no one would come to my house. I would be a mummy before someone found me….that’s how lonely I am. I just meant that social services will help u get to a doc on base or to therapy if u need or want that. Your neighbors can all go to hell. All my neighbors know that I have brain cancer and seizures and that I live alone….but not one of them care. I won’t even get into my family. I wouldn’t hear from them unless they needed something. My lonely goes bone deep since my husband died.
Boohoohoo! Riveting story. Truly.
Why do these people expect casual acquaintances or strangers to love and care for them and nurse or help them? Its kinda blowing my mind…What utopian society do these people imagine we live in, where strangers that live nearby ,are under the utopian code of ethics to befriend and care for you as family would? Some people are kind…….but many many more are not.
Awe lostnpain I wish that you lived nearby, I would hang out sometimes then u would have someone and wouldn’t be discovered as a mummy lol ur funny. Honestly, it’s toobad that ur all so far, I’ve all but isolated myself from my friends because I just can’t share anything about my real life with them anymore. I relate more to people here. I’m so sorry that you’re suffering with cancer and seizures. That’s so dangerous to be alone and haveone. 🙁
LostInPain I’m so sorry… I hope things get better truly I do.. And TwistedSpace if you aren’t going to be here to be kind I think maybe you should take a break and come back when you have a more open mindset on sharing your feelings and seeing others feelings as well..
Darkestraven ignore the cruel comments here, that happens sometimes although I promise you that it is more a place of support than it is one of the abuse that you unfortunately witnessed. Please think of your baby that mostly has only you to rely on and gather up your courage to gospeak to a professional who can help you heal from the traumatic experience that you had to endure. You definitely would benefit from talk therapy, possibly meds, and for aure some support (for sure I meant to say). I’m typing on a phone and I can barely go back to fix a typo, but I needed to write to you espec afteri had read some of those harsh comments. Can I call you? Or if you don’t pay for long-distance, would youlike tocall Me? I’m in Canada. I’m a mom too, but my daughter is grownup. I’m raised her alone, I’m depressed like hell so iakll understand and I also have ptsd. Fuck your neighbors, I agree with the posters who said that, just can’t scroll up toseewho that was. Pls excuse the typos, it’s not me, it’s just this phone isn’t great for accessing this website (but I need it these days) and my house was robbed along with my laptop, and every other electronic, so my phone is all I have. I would really like to speak to you tho, someone from here reached out to me, we talked and it helped me a lot, he really was a sweetie. Oh and I’m so sorry for being so wrong about my earlier suggestion at the beginning of this post! Yikes! I’ll check back and see if you want to talk or not.
Cagedtiger I would love to talk.. However I have horrible social anxiety even if it’s not in person letting someone hear my voice makes me nervous. Do you text?..
CagedTiger I am not sure if you can see my email. I still don’t really know how to work this site well if you could email me your number it’d be much appreciated.. I just want to try and ask a few questions maybe you won’t know answers but it’d still be nice to talk as long as I’m not intruding on anything or your time…..thanks