http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=TXIP6DHrc2I
Everywhere I turn, I find someone who I think is going to treat me different, like I’m a person and not an object to be used. But they all turn out the same. All but one person, who I’m so scared that I’ll lose I begged them not to ever leave me on multiple occasions.
I’m all broken and hurt and I think I’d rather be dead right now than feel this. I’m not saying I’m wanting to die, but it was an observation. Why is love and friendship not easy to come by? It seems as if no one wants me for who I am, but for what I can do for them.
Where does the girl who loves music and children and drawing and writing go? Where do my feelings go? Why does my heart need to be stomped into the ground repetitively? I’m tired of caring, tired of wanting to feel loved and accepted. I’m so tired of trusting people and they turn around and betray me.
What’s the point in life if it’s always gonna be this way?
11 comments
I’ve changed and am changing. Sometimes we adapt and become something more, but other times…we devolve into our own personal version of hell.
I’ll be honest – I could be the bestest friend you’ll ever have. But recent history has shown me that no matter how much I invest of myself into another…the universe will claim that all back tenfold.
So you like writing too? It’s a quiet passion of mine but haven’t really indulged it lately. I wish I could read some of your work and – for what it’s worth – I think you are a fantastic person who has been there and made it back all on their own. Travel safe and never be afraid to stay true to yourself.
(Sorry if this was weird – I’m still a little groggy).
http://suicideproject.org/2012/09/realization-4/
Part of a story I was writing. Not a happy part though
Wow. You’re an amazing writer. I wish I could express emotions in my writing the way you do.
A very good read, thank you for sharing that.
Writing about moments we have experienced in life and conveying it to an audience who have probably not been in our shoes is a very tough thing to do – getting the whole tone and atmosphere right is no easy task. But you did exceptionally well with that piece and I’d encourage you to do more on it or any other piece you may be working on.
As my psych once told me, Buddha said “there is nothing in your life that brings you joy now that won’t one day bring the opposite”.
True enough, I guess. I think the way to deal with it is to focus on the part that brings joy.
Then again, I suppose I wouldn’t really know. I no longer feel joy or sadness. Haven’t felt it for around a year. Probably the meds.
I wrote down what your shrink said. You’re paying him(her?) for both of us, right?
I think that only holds true as long as you include the instances where the loss of a particular joy-bringing thing, is the actual source of the opposite of joy.
Some things bring joy as long as they remain present. The loss of the thing, is not the same as the thing.
The Buddha was a good source of some timeless wisdom. But in his absence, it’s up to us to figure out all the stuff he can no longer answer; that’s part of why he gave the answers he gave. He wanted to teach others how to be “awake,” just like him, so that no one would need “A Buddha,” to answer their questions for them.
i am sorry for what happened to her and you are a really good writer
It didn’t play out quite like that, no one got hurt, but it was just as scary none the less
I hear you. Love, respect, and compassion are so precious to life. I understand. I wish I had an answer. This is a harsh world for a sensitive loving soul. You do, however, have the gift of understanding. You can give love, compassion and respect; because you know how important they are to us.
unfortunately it is true. Loving, caring people are extremely rare…