Hello
My name is Micaela,
I have been upset and miserable for as long as i can remember.. Last night I had I fight with my mom who I once held near and dear to my heart, she is slowly drifting away day by day .. I cant stop it I dont know how… she makes me feel bad about everything I do when in reality all I want to do is help and make her proud (she Always tells me that she is , but I never really feel it)… like today during the fight she was describing the things I do but when I heard the way she was describing me it was like an exact image of what I saw in her.. she makes me feel like im going insane like on thoes horror movie shows where they make you go insane by telling you that you are them.. do you get my drift? I just dont know what to do anymore.. I’m tired and lonly I feel like have no one to trust anymore… I wanted to take a bottle of my mothers clonazepam but they were already finished.. I have tried suicide so many times but all I did was fail because the mommy that I once had changed everything for me and made me feel better. Now all she can say is that I am ungreatfull for the things she does for me, but little does she know that the reason I keep all the stuff she tells me to throw away is the appreciation , I dont throw the things away because its the constant reminder that she bought it for me. She says I am inconsiderate, but I am not because when ever I see her struggling down on her knees with pain and sadness I am the first person to jump in and help her with anything she wants help with, yea sure I may not do it in the exact second she askes but I will do it. The problem with me is that I hide my pain every day, I hide it deep down, it’s always there hiding behing the big smile that I put on every day so that no one will take me down at my weakest point, but my mom of all people should see that pain and try to fix it…but it does not happen that way anymore ….”Mom can I have a hug? ughh okay in a minute let me just finish doing this” when the hug finally comes its so shallow its like there is nothing there to actually feel , no connection, emptiness.. I dont know why but every time I try I dont feel the warmth flow into my heart like the days back then… I love my mom but I feel like my world is falling apart right now.
The more I read about the after life the more upset I become.. like do you go to heavan or hell or does your soul rest in peace or rome around same as when we were alive.. I want to be set free .. I want my soul to stop it’s inner battle I want it to go to green apastures and in beautiful flower fields.. I want my soul to be set free.
P.S=I KNOW ITS ALL JUST ME ME ME AND I I I BUT THIS IS HOW I FEEL.. I HAVE NO OTHER WORDS TO PUT IT IN.. I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO LISTEN
9 comments
The Lord loves you and has a good plan for your life.
You see when The Lord took his last breath on the cross he paid the price for all of man kinds sin. There for there’s nothing in this world that he won’t forgive us for. He literally died on a cross for us that’s how much he loves us.
Call upon the name of Jesus give our pain and worries up to him. He can save you from your suffering he can make your path straight.
As a Christian I believe in 2 places after death. Heaven and hell. For the believer death is not a frightful leap into the darkness but it’s the start of beautiful new life in heaven with Jesus.
You see the bible also talks about hell and that it is a lake of fire and that all whom do not know Jesus will go there.
I encourage you to cry out to The Lord tonight’ and ask him for his protection on your life.
FrankieJ38, please refrain from spamming people as you are doing here.
Thank you for your good intentions, Frankiej38, but It is against the rules to preach:
“This is not a place to preach the gospel.” (This is from the Read This First page.)
I encourage you not to fall into false hopes. Everyone is entitled their own beliefs. I am not bashing frankiej38 in anyway. If that is were your peace is found good for you. But I can say from experience and knowledge of certain details surrounding my experiences…..that putting blind hope and trust into something false can leave you even more devastated than you were before you placed the hope there to begin with. Tread carefully with such things. Many things there is simply no answer to. Such as what afterlife is or will bring if such even exists. Opinions and beliefs will form, and one of them could be the truth, but it could also be false. The fact will never be known from this side.
Micki, I’m sorry you are struggling in your relationship with your mom. Our relationships with our moms will change over the years and they can get better. Does she have a lot going on too that she may not be talking with you about? Don’t give up on her but think about who else you might be able to talk to when you are feeling so low. If there isn’t someone in your family or among your friends, maybe you could connect with someone else. I became a volunteer to mentor teen in foster care as she is transitioning to living on her own. (It’s similar to Big Brothers and Big Sisters.) We meet at least a couple of times a month to do fun things, help her with errands, and talk on the phone. Her situation with her mom is tough too. I’m hopeful that the two of them will do better in the future. If you are still in school, maybe the guidance counselor has a program that you could participate in. If you aren’t in school anymore, look at what you might like to do as a volunteer, such as walking dogs at an animal shelter. You will find people who care. Some could become good friends who can listen and encourage you. At the same time, you may be able to help them too. (Friendship is both giving and receiving.) Don’t stop asking for people to listen to you. Today may not be great but you don’t know how things can get better in the future.
Thank you so much. My mom and I have worked some things out …just my luck I forgot to clean out history and she saw what I had been doing here so after she saw and read some things I started talking to her and we figured some things out..but thank you for listening to me and giving me some advise on what I can do I really appreciate it
thank you every one for reading and commenting I appreciate it .. I have sorted out some problems with my mom