wishing for the past

Hey I m 42 I can’t believe it and I am still an addict. The last four years has been an addiction to over the counter pain killers nothing hard like it used to be . I have lost everything and been in Burwood rehabs have had years up firstly I had seven and then three. I tried to get off drugs since I was 23. Then I relapse for 3 years then I get another 3 years up and have relapsed for over 4 years !! Now I’m 42 I’ve been homeless for a year, no job for a year ( and I am a great worker ) been in two domestic violent relationships in a row “bad choices ” cause the thing I’ve learnt is that it also effects your relationships there for you have some horrible destructive experiences in them as well. Which wastes time and at the end of the day for me there is so much pain and grief. Grief of a stolen life over addiction. So you don’t want to feel the pain any more and the drugs don’t work and the alcohol won’t contain. So what’s left nothing an empty feelings of worthlessness. I prey to something any thing and maybe we do feel sorry for ourselves but I get you I understand completely we have an addiction and it takes every bit out of you from the inside out and the only reprieve is to leave its to sleep or die. So unless you’ve walked in my shoes you’ll never get it thanks for your post