Ah man, the 2 year mark is closing in on me. It’s gonna be here so fast, i don’t even have proper time to prepare myself. It’ll just hit me, like everything hits me.
Like the memories that creep in, late at night. Or the details i don’t want to forget. Or the feelings, the emotions, every little thing my heart and soul feel. It always hits me, when i’m least prepared. Late nights, lonely late nights.
There’s still so much sadness.
And then there’s anger.

Because for fucks sake, i hate it when people ask if “im over it yet”. Or when people say we should just “move on with our lives”. As if it’s that simple. Jesus Christ man, don’t fucking say stuff like that. My parents and I will never “get over” the death of my brother.

The fact we lost him is still so present everywhere in our house. Because we still lose him everyday, in the empty chair at our table. Or the untouched bed. And his clothes folded up in his closet. His xbox gathering dust. Never hearing him laugh and speak and even curse. Or never hearing him ask me how my day was, what i did in school, how much homework i have.
We still lose him every single day, in big things but also in details. In everything.