I don’t even know where to start, but then again it’s not like anybody will read this right? I’m just that invisible to the world. Invisible to my family, my presence always went by unnoticed. I would say I’m invisible to friends but I don’t have any. They all got relationships and forgot that I existed.
I hate being gay, I wish I wasn’t. I hate being black, I wish I wasn’t. I hate being alive, I wish I wasn’t. Does anybody know exactly how it feels to be an over weight homosexual? Can’t make friends because most are homophobic towards me. Can’t make gay friends because I’m not attractive enough to even deserve a hello.
The only attention I get is when I randomly hook up with random older guys online. I began having sex with older people when I was fourteen, he was over forty. But even with them I was invisible. They’d get on top of me do what they had to and leave. Is this what my life is? I’m too ugly to deserve love, and I’m the wrong color. The only thing I’m good at is being a one time thing. What is the point of even trying to “live life” when you have no life?
5 comments
Hey InvisibleBoy. I just wanted you to know that I read your post. My issues are different but I really sympathize. I lost all my friends so I know how it feels. The only thing I want to say is that older men looking to meet young guys online for sex…. Sex is likely all they want so I doubt there will ever be anything more from them. I had a lot of gay friends. I live in the San Francisco area and there is a large gay population so a bit easier place to live… Maybe living in a more accepting community would help?
All colors are beautiful! Being gay is beautiful as well, and you definitely deserve love. You’re not invisible. I notice you, and I won’t ever look away as if you weren’t there. Don’t give up yet. Please.
I’m not white either and I use to think that being white was the perfect race too but I think there is beauty in everybody and I feel you when you say you have no friends I don’t either but I rather be by myself than add more negative energy to that, that is my own. Don’t hate who you are. You’re weight is not who you are. It does not define you, you can change it if you want to. I truly feel for the gay community because I can’t imagine how hard it is being judged like that. I hope over time you will feel better and find yourself and people that respect you the way you deserve. Hang in there.
Being gay can be hard dude and ostracising, it took me thirteen years before I became truly ‘out’ about it. Being overweight isnt great for the self esteem either, I used to be on olanzapine and eat a lot of comfort food which made me very overweight, but I dieted and am thin again, it was tough but it made me feel better about myself. One of my good friends lost 12 stone over the last year and a half, anything is possible with drive and the right diet.
I used to believe that I was too ugly and fucked up in the head to deserve love, that being gay means you have to look like the muscular guys on the cover of lgbt magazines but thats just not true at all, I look very.. alternative.. and am now engaged. If you can, get yourself to a pride parade and see how different everyone there looks – all shapes, sizes, colours and walks of life. Ive made a few gay friends online that I see in person now, my looks weren’t important to them, though some of them have given me a few great makeovers that boosted my confidence. There is someone right for you, I’m sure of it – but horny old guys probably arent the best place to start. When you do meet a guy that seems nice dont let him get you into bed straight away, get him to take you out to dinner etc. for at least a couple dates or he wont respect you.
Be strong dude, I really hope you meet your Mr Right soon. You will have bad days and good days, but hopefully things will improve soon.
Though not gay, I understand how you feel. Being hated, despised or judged and misunderstood. Your weight you can change if you work at it. Maybe try looking in different places for a relationship if that is what you are after. At least you aren’t a mentally ill train wreck, so your situation seems quite hopeful. I hope everything works out for you no one should be alone.