Hi everyone, so I’ve been reading posts for weeks now and finally decided to register. I’ve been depressed for years now. I’ve been hospitalized at least 6 times in the last year. My last hospitalization I took over 100 Tylenol and was close to death. Now I am suicidal again and have been wanting to kill myself for weeks. I see my psychiatrist every week now and she has been so close to admitting to the hospital a couple times. Some of my fam and friends say I should listen to my Dr. and go to the hospital but I’ve been so many times and it doesn’t help. I feel like I can’t take the pain anymore and just want to end it. My Dr. started me on Lithium a few weeks ago because that is supposed to lessen my suicidal thoughts. I Dont know what to do anymore, I just need to get a belt and go to the woods. Thanks for reading whoever you are.
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Does the lithium seem to have any effect?
No, not yet.
I’ve been on lithium. Give it some time to build up to therapeutic levels in your body. A blood test might be needed to determine what level the drug is at. It may also help to get some counseling. Medication is good and can be a big help… but sometimes it helps to have someone to talk to about what’s going on… and how to develop strategies for moving forward.
If you are having suicidal thoughts, you really should go to the hospital. I know you’ve been there a few times and I understand your hesitancy for going again… At the same time, going to the hospital has helped you continue being here. Give yourself a chance to let the medication and other resources help you. Perhaps things will work out for the better.
I have been going to therapy too, I even had ECT that didnt work. Ive been getting my blood work done. I really do try and I’m at the point now where I feel hopeless.
Do you keep a Mood Log or a journal? If there are better moments than others, it might help being able to identify what leads to you feeling down or suicidal. When there is a lot going on, sometimes it’s difficult to remember when you started feeling a certain way. That works for the happier times, too. It’s nice to know what makes you feel better.
Mental illness can be difficult. I experience that daily and it’s frustrating. So I try to keep an open mind when something is suggested. My therapist seems to try different strategies, recommend different reading materials, and to consult others for their insights. I’m a challenging patient for him but he doesn’t give up.. and I do my best not to, either.
My point is this… There’s no reason to give up. Sooner or later, you’ll find what works. It will take some time, as you’ve learned… but not everything in life comes quickly. The worst thing you can do is give up on yourself. That makes everything else meaningless… so please keep trying.