Hello everybody. I really hate alot of things about myself. I am also sick with social anxiety and clinical depression. I recently discovered that I’m transsexual. I’m an 18 year old attending college to get a mechanical engineering degree. I feel like if I transition I’m going to destroy everything I worked for because I heard that workplaces just hate hiring transgender people. I also feel like if I transition I’m going to end up still looking manly due to being fat, acne ridden and hairy. I am also half black and from what I researched and understand black male to female transgender people don’t transition well. I already hate being black but I think being a black female will make it worse. And to make things more worse I’m not able to start transitioning right now because neither of my parents will support my decision. I will have to wait until I’m 24 at the minimum when I have amassed enough money to start going on hrt and laser hair removal and live on my own. I heard the latter you wait in life to transition the less desired results you get. I’m not looking to become a model with a figure 8 body. I just want to have a “thick” (I don’t mind having meat on my bones >.<) body frame and ultimately look passable as a woman. =/ It’s as if the universe is doing everything in its power to make my life harder… 🙁
Sometimes I want to commit suicide but I want to make my parents proud that they have one success story to tell within this family of failures. Transitioning to a woman is going to destroy my already screwed up family. I really just want to become a woman but I don’t have the right to be selfish enough to break apart this family. I don’t want to make my schizophrenic mother anymore stressed then she already is. I don’t want to make my father feel like his hard work taking care of me or my brother feel like it was a waste all because I want to be a woman. Transitioning is going to destroy my chances at working in an engineering firm. I don’t know what to do 🙁
7 comments
there is a transgender person at my work… and they’re black. (I honestly don’t know whether to call them he or she.. but sure what they have down there….) name is Devon which is a unisex name… at first I thought they were a girl, long hair, make up… but then everyone was saying ‘he’…. but anyways what I’m trying to say is that transgender people can have jobs. it’s against the law not to hire someone just because of that. and I get the suicide and disappointing your family thing….that’s my life
I understand completely. Im a trans male pre transition. Im fairly certain i won’t pass as male. But what i do know is coloured people transition just as well and white. The estrogen hormone yoilk get redistributed any fat so you have a more feminine figures, hair removal will sort out any hairy problems.
As for family they’re always tough. But sometimes you gotta do stuff for just you. This is one of those times. Yea it’ll be a while before you can transition but babe it’ll be worth it.
Suicide isn’t the answer one day you’ll be the amazing woman you were always meant to be and all of this? It’ll be forgotten. Just a dark shadow a blip in your life that you won’t even have to remember.
I hope your okay. And i hope this helped x
Thanks for your advice E. I really do want to transition. I’m so envious of you :/
i haven’t started my transition yet either im actually planning on transition to male. i prefer to know about what goes on in both transition to explain to people what its about.
don’t worry about what anyone else thinks not even when you start are and have transition because honestly transitioning is all about your happiness and mental health. that’s the most important part 🙂 im glad i could help but don’t be jealous im no further in my transition than you are.but im safe in the knowledge that i will do it one day and you should be too x
Oh it is so hard to answer to this post. I’m not sure what advice to give you.
I can’t even imagine what you are going through. But if it is between transitioning and suicide, then my advice would be to transition.
Don’t worry about what you will look like when you transition, as long as you have the right parts, you will feel better, as if you weren’t born in the wrong body. For your own sanity, you have to make you right.
I know that you are worried about your parents, and you have every reason to be. But if you think they won’t accept you, then try to reach out to the LGBT community in your area. I bet you will find tons of people to talk to and get advice. You might even find a second family there that will support you no matter what you end up doing.
But thank you for sharing your story. You better believe that I will support my kids 100%, as long as they don’t hurt anyone, I want them to be who they are.
Thanks for the support guys. =p
It’s just so stressful… I’m only worried about appearance because if I do transition then I will try to fix my social anxiety as well. And appearance is important for socializing. Again I don’t want to be a model… I just want to look passable =/
and you will be. once you start hormones if you decide to take that step you’ll be surprised at how much a difference they make obviously all these things will take time. but you will pass eventually.