Last Friday I attempted suicide by overdosing. I had been feeling depressed on and off for about five years and constantly for five months. That day I was so fed up with my life and I didn’t want the one I got or to be who I was any more. When I got home I sat in my bed room alone and took 35 celexa, 30 iron pills and 5 trazodone pills. I tried to fall asleep, in the hopes that I’d never wake up. Three hours after, I felt extremely internal coldness and I couldn’t warm myself no matter how hard I tried and I started to throw up. At this point I was terrified and I told my mom that I desperately needed her. She got extremely mad when I told her that I had overdosed in a suicide attempt and she took me to the hospital immediately. Several nurses surrounded me and got me to drink charcoal within the first few minutes of arriving. Due to all the pills I had taken I don’t remember anything about that night aside from drinking the charcoal. I was told from my mom, nurses and doctors that I had a seizure, had a tube inserted down my throat to suction my stomach, had an ECG, had blood taken from my arm and my wrist and had seven bags of IV fluid inserted into my body. I was allowed to leave the hospital twenty hours later, but then I had to go to another hospital to be evaluated by a psychiatrist.
Once I finally got home, I felt infinitely better. After coming so close to death and surviving, I had a drive to live. I do not have a reason for living that I can definitely explain, but after my suicide attempt I feel as if I can continue. My own fear of dying when my own body was in fact preparing for death has saved me and put my suicidal thoughts and depressions to a halt. I am extremely lucky that my combination of pills did not do permanent damage to my body, because it did have the potential to seriously damage my heart. I feel grateful now for my life and that I survived the attempt I made on my life.
2 comments
The exact same thing happened to me back in February – I overdosed in hopes of not waking up, felt internally cold, threw up, and eventually confronted my parents about it and called 911. Super embarrassing… Unlike you, I did not take enough pills to kill myself, so I didn’t have to go to the hospital. Afterwards I also had the drive to live. 4! or 5 months later and my drive to live was once again gone : /
Seems like your attempt could’ve succeeded had you not called your mother. Frankly I’m not too keen on the idea of taking random pills in hopes they’ll kill you. You’d have to choose specific medicines which you know will lead to certain death based on the LD50 standard.
Your liver can be very delicate and easily damaged. So if you do intend to overdose make sure it is something that will end your life or you do risk the possibility of-as you mentioned-long term health damage.
I recall when I was younger I was very intent on suicide and I had a terrible nightmare, it was a black figure that attacked me and told me I better not try to kill myself and it was enough to prevent me from considering it seriously for a while. I believe it was my body that was essentially scaring me into not killing myself as weird as it sounds.