I’ve come to hate the daylight. As much as I hate loneliness, being alone in the dark late at night feels so much more secure. I guess that is the time when people can’t mess with me as much – they’re all off in their dreams and resting. I don’t sleep much anymore anyway; except sometimes during the day when it serves the purpose of keeping the rest of the world away from me.
It’s a bad thing to do I know. Isolation feeds depression and anxiety, but I know myself well enough to know that I won’t always choose what’s right just because I know better. I just wish I could fade away…
5 comments
I know what you mean, I enjoy the dark as well. Feels so much more comforting than daylight. Makes me feel alone, invisible, which unlike most, I crave.
It’s odd, I did everything I could to hide away most of my life – I buried myself in work, climbed into a bourbon bottle every night and did everything I could to drive people (including my kids and family) away. And I still do it, all these many years later when most of the people I hid from are not even around me anymore except for my 2 youngest kids. They are now adults that I share my home with more for financial reasons than anything else. I still stay up nights just to be alone but now I feel the loneliness I never felt before.
“I confuse myself” as they say…
I love the dark, to me it doesn’t play with your mind. its also more peaceful and quiet.
I hate the daylight too nozmoking. But I love your posts…
Don’t fade away, nozmoking. I always think of you when I think of this site and wonder how you are doing. You had commented on one of my posts a while back and you were able to relate to my pain. I can feel your pain in your posts. Sending you love and a *hug*