I’m 20 a mom and a wife, yet I still feel like suicide may be the only option to make everything better. My life isn’t that bad but all the physical and emotional abuse I’ve went through has added up and made me feel like it’s finally time to cut myself off. For a while I realized my life wasn’t that bad to where suicide had to be an option. Recently tho my husband has come out and told all that he doesn’t like about me. I’m pretty but have a mommy belly. When I was pregnant I gained over 100 pounds from eating, then over a year I lost over 88 pounds but now I just have that extra that I can’t get rid of with exercise and diet. My husband told me how disgusting I look and it brought back all the memories of when I was a child being bullied because I was slightly bigger. I wish I could do surgery but I’m in college so I can’t afford it. I don’t know what to do anymore, I know my reason is problem stupid. But it’s how I feel
19 comments
Let him know how it hurts you so he is aware of what is doing to you. It is wrong. And the fact you are a mom gives you more than enough reason to stay.
be you, and let things fall where they may.
If your husband won’t accept you as you are, you should think about leaving.
I agree with Squid about leaving. Your husband is a jerk. Screw him. If somebody talks like that to you it means they don’t respect you. Take your kid and get a divorce. No need to waste your life on somebody like that.
Eventually maybe you can lose that extra weight, but in the meantime you don’t need somebody bullying you and bringing you down.
Lostbell, whatever you decide, remember that you need to weigh the consequences very carefully now that you have a child who will be directly impacted by your actions. That includes the decision whether or not to stay with your husband.
I have to agree with Galactic Hitchhiker – if your husband can’t learn to appreciate you for who you are right now, you might be better off divorcing him.
I know divorce would be a huge help in some ways but I changed my whole life for him I moved over 650 miles away from all family and friends I quit my job and everything. He’s in the Military so getting married we have to live near base. I’m a grown woman now I can’t just move back in with my parents. I live my kids with all my heart and I feel horrible for feeling like taking my life is even an option. It just feels like either I get surgery kill myself or get a divorce and lose a roof over their heads clothes on their back and food in their tummies. He won’t let me get a job because he doesn’t want me to leave.
I just don’t get them, your husband and my bf. They say they love us and yet they are the ones that hurt us the most. I can understand why you want to end it all even if your life is relatively fine, it’s because you feel stuck. Stuck in this unhealthy relationship where you get abused, but you just cannot get out for a host of reasons i.e.your children, the time and effort you invested in the relationship and sacrifices you made to make it work, practical stuff like finances i.e. where you’re going to live, cost of divorce and settlements, custody etc. So the easiest way and the only way out is death. I can relate to that feeling and what you wrote resonated with me because I am also going through something a bit similar. And it also hurts that you fell in love with this person, you had your good times together and you wish that somehow you could go back and stay like that but with the current situation you just cannot see a future with this person. I feel the confusion, and I have no advice but I hope you hold on for your kids. And I just want you to know that someone feels same way and that you are not alone.
Thank you, my kids are the only thing keeping me alive right now. It kills me hearing what he tells them about me or when he hurts me in front of them verbally physically emotionally, I just don’t want my kids to grow to hate me. Hate me for leaving him or hate me for staying. I’m just stuck
I’m truly sorry you are in this situation. Why would he do such appalling things? Is he brainwashing your kids and do they believe him? Are they still at a very impressionable age? I guess one way to counter all the lies he is telling about you is to show your kids the exact opposite through the way you live, through your actions because then if they see how you truly are then your kids will have no reason to believe him. I wish you the strength and courage to be able to get through this.
And sorry, he hurts you in front of them? That is quite serious. Have you tried telling other family members? If he hits you in front of them, then I believe a divorce is warranted, because aside from the danger to you, who’s to say that he won’t hurt your kids? And he is making it so that your home is not an environment conducive to the healthy growth and development of your kids.
He’s said I need a tummy tuck which honestly I do I wouldn’t be so insecure about my body if I did but I can’t afford it and I don’t see that as a good excuse for the way he acts towards me. My children on 4 and 2 my son somewhat understands what he says, he will tell them I’m stupid or worthless and fat or a bad mom. He has hit me before in front of them a couple times and hate when they see that. I Hate When They See Me Cry. I’m trying to leave but he’s doing his best to stop me. I’ve told my family but their isn’t much they can do from states away
I think it’s dangerous for you and your kids to stay with him. Again, I can see why you feel stuck and can’t see any way out. I wish I could help you, but as it is all I can offer is my time to listen to you and some advice. I know it’s difficult, but pleasr hold on and just keep sharing here. Keep your family posted as well. Anyway, do you think it’s futile to talk to him at this point? I mean, can you tell if there’s a tiny chance of him listening to you and that he’ll change his behavior if you ask him to?or is he a lost cause? I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but the fact that he hurts you in front of the kids…
*please
Please leave him. Even if you have to move in with your parents, take the kids and go. Do you really want your son to think that it’s okay to treat women like that? That it’s okay to hit a woman, to belittle someone? You deserve better than that. Your kids deserve better than that. Don’t take the abuse, verbal, emotional, or physical. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your kids. I really hope you find it in yourself to do it for yourself too though. Please see you’re worth more than that.
And I’m sorry, but any man who tells his wife that she needs a tummy tuck is an asshole…
I agree with this completely.
Thank you all, I don’t even know how to explain him anymore. It’s like he’s still a boy and living in the single life he has no idea how to spend money and wants to go and do something every weekend. So every time I speak up about anything he starts yelling at me and tells me how stupid I am. I wish I could go live with my parents but they don’t have room my 3 younger sisters live with them and they just can’t handle it I’m trying to find other ways but idk.
Just keep on trying. Hope something will come to you eventually. Just take care.
I’m sure your parents would accommodate you if you told them what was going on. It might be crowded for a little bit, but you could make it work until you could find a way to stand on your own two feet.
Who knows? Maybe you won’t have to either. Maybe your husband will realize he needs to grow up and will change. I’d be cautious of him though. Any man who goes so far as to hit his wife will likely do it again.
You are a mother. Youre in college. You made it. Dont quit. My mom died on my 17th birthday. Dont put your kids or family through that.
Thank you everyone
You have to leave him. Now. Better to leave him than for your kids suffering through the stigma of having a mom who committed suicide. It’s about your kids’ lives now, do what you can to get them out of this abusive situation. If you die, he’ll get them. Do you trust him to raise your kids? At 20 years old you are hardly an old maid. Of course it is ok to go live with your parents!!! If I were your parent I would welcome you and those babies with open arms. I wish that I were your mom…