I Shouldn’t Be Happy

I saw all of this news about ISIS beheadings and Ukraine in despair, and to be honest, I don’t really care about it anymore. I almost wish that ISIS would take over and America would get involved in a nuclear war with Russia, because that would increase my chance of dying. Why fucking bother with humans? We’re never satisfied with what we have. I am no exception. Life feels so unfortunate, like a losing game. Whichever path chosen leads to death and disappointment. Fall in love only to fall out of it or want to cheat because one lover is not enough. Of course, that isn’t really my problem, because I’ve never been in a relationship anyways, probably because all of those people who called me “strange” or a “weirdo” just didn’t want to know me because they thought that I was a waste of time or a loser, and for whatever the reason, no one wants to put their head on the shoulder of a loser. I hate bothering with all of this, but I am afraid that I’ll even fail to die. What if I end up alive with half of my brain scattered across the room and in severe agony with no chance of euthanasia? I don’t want any of this anymore.