I’ve been thinking about suicide for years. I don’t know when I’m going to end but hopefully it’s soon. I’ve lived a horrible past with my uncle and cousin mollesting me at age 6. I feel disgusted with myself, letting them touch me and not saying a word. Why me? Thank goodness I had puberty and that got them to stop. But ever since then I’ve been really depressed with accepting myself. On birthdays I wished for death yet nothing has happened I’m a wuss to try anything and rather have things come at me than running to them. The only way I deal with it is by hitting myself in the head a couple times but that didn’t do much. How come others get a perfect life except me?..
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It wasn’t your fault…. You were 6 and probably were confused and had no idea how to handle it. Stop blaming it on yourself. That’s the first step to really being happy. And contrary to popular belief, others don’t have a perfect life, it’s just that they have not encountered their life challenge or are simply hiding it (as I presume you are). Don’t beat yourself up over what you should have done, try to move forward… What can you do? You can focus on school to become a lawyer so you can help put away molesters for good, as an adult you can offer a loving foster home for children with parents that molest or do other hurtful things, you can go to therapy to relive yourself of this emotional burden you cannot release from within you, etc. there are many more things you can do to “keep moving forward”. Because it will stop you from constantly looking behind as well