I don’t know how much longer I can live.
I’ll give you all a final update when I end it.
All I can say is thank you to everyone on this site for an amazing experience.
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I can only say how sad it is to see you back here in such way, you were always someone I’d hope would be able to find something in their future to keep going despite their problems. We’re here for you whenever you need to talk, tell us what’s happening, SeasOfBlue.
Thanks nias. You’ve been here from the beginning, all the way until the end, haha.
But yea… I never really hoped to post something like this again. But… shit happens, I guess.
Nothing new has really changed… I guess that’s what’s tearing me apart inside. It’s the same old shit, there’s nothing to look forward to. I’m literally going insane. I can’t think straight, I have trouble reading… that kind of thing.
Nothing has changed for you, that’s such a problem, I really felt after what happened to you it would be a wake up call for those around you, don’t do anything rash. There’s nothing to look forward to, that’s perhaps the short term but how about the long term, any hope there if you can keep it together, please try for now.
* by long term I mean 2 or more years when you’ll be more independent and less reliant on others.
I’ve tried.
I’ve tried for so fucking long.
But I can’t anymore. My mind and body won’t let me. I’m so sorry… but I just can’t.
My mental state is degrading every day. It started slow, but it’s all snowballing and getting worse and worse, and each day it seems so much harder to function and think than it was the last. Every morning I wake up and think “it can’t possibly get worse”, but then the next morning I wake up and it is.
You have had a tough life and I can’t blame you saying “I’ve had enough” if things are not improving but suicide is hard as you’ve found out, are you planning again, please don’t try an overdose, what are you thinking regarding suicide? also, is your sister still there for you or has she gone back to her old ways? Keep posting for now, talking won’t solve your problems, I know that, but at least you know there are people here on SP who care about you.
I am so sorry to hear this, SeaOfBlue. But I fully understand you. I feel the same, worse and worse without a particular reason, unable to do what I loved to do. I just stare these days. I am not even able to cry.
I still hope you will stay with us at least a bit longer. I think you are a great person who greatly enriches this site, and you will be greatly missed if you go.
Thank you. But I’m tired of waiting around… I’ve been waiting for death for 5 years. Every day, I got closer and closer to the end, slowly at first, then quicker as time went on. I can’t live with this burden anymore. My sanity is nonexistent at this point. Death is the only way out. I’ve looked for another for 5 years, but have found none.
And I say the same thing to you; you will be missed wholeheartedly by everyone who knows you. You are truly an amazing person. But thank you.
Just, please dont, you’ve been through so much please please please dont give up now
I’m so sorry. But there is no alternative. I have lost my mind. I have lost my will to live. I have nothing to look forward to. For 5 long years I have tried so hard to hold on to that last sliver of hope… but I can’t anymore. Everyone has their limit, and I have reached mine.
Had to look back through your old posts, but I knew I recognized the username. I’m sorry that things still aren’t looking up. Your posts really did get to me, you know. I’m sure you’ll cross my mind the next time I see the ocean (a rare thing for me, unfortunately, although I share your love for it). Hope you can find some peace, one way or another.