I am 16 years old, my life is going really well, I have every reason to be happy but I’m not. I don’t know why I’m not happy I have no reason to be sad or depressed. I just feel like I want to die, I feel dead inside and I don’t know why and I don’t know what to do. I feel so stupid for feeling this way but I can’t make it go away. I haven’t talked to anyone about the way I’m feeling because I feel if I do they will tell me to stop being so stupid. I have self harmed from a young age, however I haven’t for nearly a year but since I’ve been feeling like this I have started self harming again. I don’t know weather this is relevant to how am I’m feeling but for the last few nights I’ve been waking up in the morning to find that in my sleep I have been digging my finger nails in to my hand. Some times I’ve even cut my hand open I’ve done it so hard. I don’t know why I am doing it. Anyone that can help me please I’d be so grateful.
i feel I must add that I did try and commit suicide last year after I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks.
11 comments
There’s a part of all of us that is … well .. not so nice. Some call it the ego. There’s an Indian name they use to describe this evil feeling inside, Wetiko. The book is called Dispelling Wetiko, Breaking the curse of evil. Also, Ekhart Tolle talks about “pain-body” in his book The Power of Now. That’s a great book that’ll change your life.
Anyway, this feeling is not you.
Thanks I’ll give the book a read
My life is also going great, but I’m depressed following a car accident. Sometimes, it’s your brain’s chemistry that gets out of balance. Have you tried talking to a doctor? It seriously might help, at least maybe a little…
No I have not gone to see a doctor as I’m scared what they will do? Because of my age I’m worried they will tell other people like proffecinals and my mum
They shouldn’t. And if you’re truly struggling it might be worth a shot, but I’m from the US, so I don’t know the laws in your country. Will your mom be upset if she knew? And the doctor shouldn’t be able to tell others. They may be allowed to tall your mom if they think you’re a risk to yourself and/or others. But honestly, seeing a doctor was the best thing I’ve ever done. Worth it in my opinion. Others may not agree though. What country do you live in?
Plus you’ve been through a lot, so no one should judge you. I’m sorry if they have/do, but you’re welcome to share your feelings on this site. For the most part people are super supportive!
I’m not sure where you live, but in Canada, once you turn 16 a doctor is NOT allowed to tell anyone else about your medical problems. If you mention that you are at risk of committing suicide they ARE allowed to call the police, so I would suggest just going and talking about your feelings of depression, don’t mention your want to commit suicide. Depression can be cyclical, and the first bout often hits at your age. It will only get worse with time.
If you’re scared to talk to your doctor, call a helpline and they can probably connect you with free professionals in your area.
@gonetoosoon, have you had any brain scans since your car accident? Car accidents and other trauma to the brain can unfortunately damage the brain and cause inability to regulate your mood.
Good to know the rules are similar in Canada.
And yes, I’ve had brain scans. Luckily it’s just a bad case of PTSD (which is causing the depression)…and I say luckily because immediately following the accident they were worried that I had brain swelling and damage. Turns out I was acting weird because I was in major shock.
Everyday I as I’m out and about, working or whatever, ppl look at me and say how I am so lucky and they perceive me in this life that is so great or something. And they don’t know me or my life or situation. They only think they know by what they think they see. The few ppl that I opened up to looked at me like….really? No one around me now knew me before a couple months ago though. And then I start to explain to them my feelings and why I feel that way and how I was living out of a car and homeless shelters when they first met me, and the financial ruin I’m in, and just everything involved, I see the disbelief in there faces almost. Appearances can be more than deceiving. So many think that all there problems would be solved if they could only switch places with me, and maybe they could solve some of their problems that way, but they don’t understand the problems they would be picking up and the way it weighs on me…. Just like I know things weigh on you to make you feel that way. No ones life is perfect, no matter how perfect it may seem or should be.
See a therapist Lola or discuss your personal problems with someone your really trust. If you’re dealing with suicidal thoughts and experiencing anxiety, it appears you’re repressing traumatic experiences or you’re simply ignoring the problems in your life but they are affecting your sub-consciously. Since you had a miscarriage that could be having an impact on your psychological state as well.
Thank you everyone for you thoughs and suggestions