Now what?

I haven’t been here in a while, since I have had a period of happiness. Or at least I thought I had it.
I recently got into highschool. I decided to change schools, since everyone in my past school were either complete idiots or were indifferent with my existence (my so called friends). I always felt alone and depressed. And it was worse when someone was with me, saying things like “I’m there for you”. It hurt the most because those were fake words, and people just could say them like if it was nothing, and then they could just walk away, making me feel unloved.

So, when I changed schools, I thought I would be better around people who knew nothing about me. Kinda like a fresh start. Well, I just enjoyed for a little time. I suck at socializing. I was alone for like a week, until someone greeted me, and introduced me to a group of friends. Then I started feeling better. But things are like this: life’s a *****. If I felt alone in my past school, right now I feel worse. I’m with people who care even less about me. I’m with people who barely notice me. I’m with people who don’t care if I’m there or not. And then it struck me: I feel like if I am condemned to feel alone with or without people always.

I hate it. I hate the fact that I feel alone. I hate that people make me feel loved, and then just like that, I feel alone again. They leave me to my luck. And then, out of the blue, someone comes, makes me feel loved, and then goes away again. I hate the fact that I can’t find a real true friend. I hate that people are such hypocrites with me. I really hate it. The thing is, I don’t know what to do. I’ve been here before a thousand times. I can’t stand it anymore.