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September 2014

lost: my mind

by death bunny
written by death bunny

Losing one’s mind can really make you lose your mind. I lost mine, and as though it doesn’t make much sense, because I haven’t found it yet, I feel like I keep losing it.

Like I’m falling an endless hole, like I’m drowning in a bottomless sea. Just when I think it can’t get any worse my inner demons welcome me to a new and improved methods of suffering. I can’t fucking take it anymore.

I make a plan. 3AM. Overdose. Yet every night at 2:59AM I bail. I just go on dying. Oh well.

I gave up the search for my lost mind. They say when things get […]

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my life

by carsonloveschloe01
written by carsonloveschloe01

so my name is carson and i just came on here to vint idk if anyone will read this or not and really idc i just wanna start by saying im 15 years old i think imm ulgy and fat and how ive keep the girl of my dreams the love of my life with me this long just this tuesday it will be 4 months and idk if this is right so for my fuckups my mother and her new bf takes her away were i cant see her and her mother does the same its got to the point were i […]

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Everyday is Nothing but Another Day

by acanthi
written by acanthi

This is how it usually is.
My mind is whirling; an endless buzzing that steadily grows louder.
Yet when I try to talk to someone, when I try to express or explain what’s going on inside
I freeze up.
I blank out.
All I  feel like I can manage to say is “I don’t know”

Just like now.
I want to get out the parasitic thoughts but when I put my fingers to this keyboard I can’t get anything to come out.
And as I reread this to myself I can’t help but laugh because of how artificial the words appear.
That they don’t do justice […]

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The end of the road

by leftforthedead
written by leftforthedead

For the past seven years I have been struggling to get through the day, and I simply cannot do it anymore. With every breath that I take, I am ruining the lives of those that are around me because I am nothing more than a burden. I am a disgrace to the human race. I am a monster. I hurt those that are around me, and I ruin everything that I touch. I am a failure in every sense of the word, and nothing I ever do will ever be good enough for anyone. I have been nothing but […]

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What is the point in carrying on

by jubun
written by jubun

I have recurrent depression and am on antidepressants and in therapy.  I am married but my husband has just left me in my own when he knows I am feeling very bad today I cannot face getting dressed/eating or answering the phone.  I have just returned from a 10 day holiday which was lovely but now I am home I just want to end it I cannot go on with this illness anymore I cannot face going back to work, I have been off sick now for 10 weeks, I am not getting better. Why oh why won’t this hideous illness lift and give me […]

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Can no longer resuscitate, please

by Bisban
written by Bisban

 

“Final”

 

Though; even you, cannot fathom my eternal

Why we were connected, I suppose we both already know

But now; this time, I became the chained child

That is all I will ever be, please

Just let me cry

 

The collapse is now, time was our only best enemy of all

Divine intervention, my final, you are it

Take me to go fly at lighting sent, into a butterfly

There is only you in the entire world left

Anymore does nothing matter

 

And I  cried while the first two stanzas

No longer a man from ever now, but only a true beast

Like Yuna and Kimahri, can you walk with me to the light

I will always walk, we met our fated-ultimate

And indeed, the earth trembles […]

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I don’t want to be here…

by serenityseeker
written by serenityseeker

I’m inn another state visiting family. It’s not really a vacation because I came here to visit mainly with my grandmother who ifs 93 and not getting any younger. I’m staying with one of my parents and two of my children. While it’s nice to see them and to spend a little time with them, I really don’t want be here. Even more so, I don’t want to be alive.
I have been in so many relationships and dealt with so much bull shit and drama that you would think that I would be able to make better choices and such where relationships are concerned. […]

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I quit

by mortuarychic
written by mortuarychic

I wanted to do it. I was convinced I was going to take my life. I was devastated. Things had been moving in a positive direction since I last posted, but I knew it was only an amount of time before things came crumbling down. I quit my job. I hadn’t planned on doing it the way I did, but I lost my mind. Things were so bad there, I quit because my managers wouldn’t do anything to help me. No matter how many times I asked for help with a co worker they let it slide and made it out like it was my […]

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I’m Trying

by Slowly_Fading
written by Slowly_Fading

It’s so hard. I know that suicide will hurt a lot of the people around me especially Tino. And Tino if you see this I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be another Alexis. I can’t take this depression and these thoughts anymore! Between the thoughts, depression, anxiety, my past, my present, my family, coming out to myself as gay, I can’t go on like this anymore! My wrists are scarred but covered by bracelets, my mind is killing me. My soul is already dead. I found out that not even people who are friends of my family would support me being gay. No one that […]

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by dead
written by dead

For English we had to write an essay making something personal into a public service announcement. Naturally, I chose mental illness. This is my personal aspect:

 

Self preservation is the body’s natural instinct to protect itself from harm or death. In times of starvation, a human will resort to cannibalism, or in times of extreme stress, our sympathetic nervous system will release adrenaline in a “fight or flight” response. So what happens with our brains fight with our bodies on whether or not to live? When the brain wants nothing more to kill itself off than the body naturally tries to keep going? Mental illness […]

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This is my last night

by thatskathryn
written by thatskathryn

I can’t take this depression anymore and I’m trying to stay positive but it’s so hard and I’m always surround by people that love me but yet I feel so alone. I’ve been depressed for 5 years and it has gotten better through the years but this week it has gotten so much worse that I can’t take it anymore. I know I will be hurting a lot of people but they get better during time cause time heals everything. And i’m sorry I can’t be strong enough.

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Why do they do it?

by Rex_Dawn
written by Rex_Dawn

They treat you like crap in the real life, yet they act like they care on the internet. Why is this? Why do they stab you in the back to your face. They don’t see the cuts, they think I’m fine, they think it doesn’t hurt, they also believe I do not cut from excuses. No one thinks I’m a good liar, they don’t know how good of a liar I really am. I hide my cuts they don’t suspect. I plot to leave, but my uncle keeps me here by making me show a true smile. When he helps me they hurt him, I […]

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dirty inside does not wash up in the shower

by death bunny
written by death bunny

I felt dirty so I went to take a shower. Took off my clothes and waited for the water to warm up. As I entered the shower within a few minutes I entered the land of thoughts and memories. Sinking in those purifying water, I couldn’t straighten my thoughts to be less unholy. I thought, then I thought and thought again. Is soon, well, soon?

Before that, I was out. There was a couple there, married. Seemed happy. They have two kids and a house in the suburbs. I don’t know them. I only talked to them about nothing important. But I was talking to myself, questioning how does […]

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I can’t do this anymore

by leftforthedead
written by leftforthedead

I can’t do this anymore, I really truly can’t. The stress is too much. The pressure is too much. Everyone expects too much from me, when I can barely even get out of bed in the morning anymore. To my family I am just a failure because I can never meet their expectations. To my friends, I am a burden to have around because I suck the life out of anyone who is near me. I ruin everything that I touch beyond repair, and I am nothing more than a pathetic waste of space. I shouldn’t be on […]

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whoops

by 1298
written by 1298

cancelled my therapist appt today
then again, it probably wouldn’t have helped anyway
nothing will.

here’s a good song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YE0L9EQAHk

“well my best friend took a bullet through his eye
first he had a patch, now he’s got a glass eye
one hard… glass eye
he says sometimes,
he wishes both his eyes were glass”

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Idk

by icanonlygiveyoume
written by icanonlygiveyoume

I usually wear heels and skirts to school, looking put together, but today I just didn’t feel like it. I showed up to school in sweats, vans, my pajama shirt and threw my hair up in a pony tail. This guy literally came up to me and said “Is that (my name)?” My outfit complexly represented me. Not a good day. Someone called me boring. He may have been joking, but I couldn’t tell. I don’t want to be boring, but even I seem boring to myself now.

xoxo,

It’s Only Me

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rough day

by E
written by E

I hurt all over. Im not sure why.but god its a shitty feeling and it just makes my head hurt more and that just intensifies the physical pain its like an endless loop of growing pain. And i just can’t sleep which makes it worse.

Idk everything about todays been overwhelming. It just makes me want to curl up and cry. That’s it really. Not much more to say than that.

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I want to return to the dust

by living_dead
written by living_dead

My story of depression starts when I was 12. I self harmed for the first time. I didn’t have any friends and I was considered a loser. Looking back, I realize I wasn’t that depressed then. I was depressed, but not terribly bad. No, things started going horribly wrong my freshman year of high school. I couldn’t pay attention in class because I would start imagining my death. Blades were my crutch. I managed to make a few friends, but people still knew me as a loser. I was sad all the time, that’s all I really remember. I was never happy. Happy was as […]

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respiratory depression

by kristink
written by kristink

well today was almost the day. why it wasn’t isn’t really important here. but the means, the opportunity and the will are all there. i really don’t know why i have fallen into the pit. i have been crying a lot (read everyday), angry, etc etc. you know the drill. after that then there is a certain kind of numbness. i am purposely withdrawing from the world, life. then the physical stuff isn’t exactly helping either. the near constant stomach pain whether i eat or not, various wounds from months ago that are not healing. chest pain and fatigue just for shits and giggles. yes […]

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