Why me? That’s the question I kept asking myself.
Typically, it should be why not. Why me is due to me allowing such scenarios to happen. Being blinded to such apparent situations and then blaming myself for being stupid in dismissing the very fact I later loathe to witness.
At my age I thought I would be wiser and stronger. I’m 37 and went through a breakup – the only one relationship I had so far. When I was 22years old and when one of working colleague confessed his love to me, I said yes without much thought. He’s a friend, and I trusted him.
After 6 months of dating, after his family accepted me as part of his family, they came to meet my parents to seek my hand to marriage. Being a typical Malayalee father, my dad kept quiet to their request. Not a good start, for falling in love is forbidden in my family.
That incident cracked our relationship, but I hold on to it. I thought this can be fixed. Surely my dad will change his view after he sees how well X will care for me, right? Wrong. No such thing. X’s family wanted a marriage soonest possible. I was trying to convince my dad to this relationship. And all this dragged for 5 years.
5 long years. With his dad’s constant attempts to break us up, then turns to wedding arrangement-pressuring me to leave my family, and keeping our saneness, X finally decided that us being together is not the way forward.
Funny thing is, he was at college (his dad sent him to further his studies – another method to break us up which finally did) and that’s his gift to me for New Year. Over a phone call. There’s no discussion. Just “I think this is over”.
What happens next is quite hazy to me. I didn’t know how I survived that year. My family disowned me. Kept reminding that I brought shame to the family.
To avoid in constant pain, I went to stay with my friend. She took me with open heart. All contact with family avoided.
That happened in 2005.
After a year, mom requested to my friend for me to return home. It was difficult to face family again after such gap. That’s when I realized God do work in mysterious ways.
An opportunity to work with global bank present itself. A chance to travel overseas. Promotion within a short period.
The scenario now is I’m the provider to family now. Interesting right.
Then the inevitable happened. It’s me to fall in love with a guy.
Perhaps it’s my biological clock or whatever … I let my emotion to take control. I let myself to fall into this emotion.
I turned a blind eye to the closeness he had with a married girl. Nah…he’s not that type. He looks like a shy guy. A quiet type. Homely.
It took me one year to build the guts to confess my feelings to him.
His response? “I have no answer for you.” A laugh to my face. I was treated as a joke.
Today I realised. Thin, slim, pretty girls gets the guy. When you coy with guys, you get them. When you giggle and pretend to be vulnerable, you get them.
Woman like me – rubbish.
Damaged. Broken. A joke to guys. Treated like rubbish.
This is my story. How I felt today. And why I wrote here.
2 comments
Why didn’t you marry after that incident? I mean a normal arranged marriage.
Vinnyz9, that guy sounds like an asshole, and you’re worth so much more than that. I know the gut-wrenching pain of being tossed aside by someone you care about, but his behavior does not reflect on you.