I don’t know if I’m a lesbian or just confused. I’m in a relationship with a man. We’ve been together for a long time. But lately everything feels fake. I don’t know if I’m attracted to the idea of lesbianism, if I want a clever and easy word to describe myself, or if I’m just tired of all these men chasing after me. Sometimes I think about women when I’m with my boyfriend. I hate that. I wish I could give him what he needs, but I don’t feel adequate. I wish I was better. I wish I was more nice and less selfish. But I’m so fucking tired all the time and I don’t know what to do anymore. It hurts. I want to die. I think about it all the time.
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I describe myself as pansexual, and honestly I’ve learnt sexuality is such a diverse thing. Not something composed of phases, but of honest feelings. So yes its confusing. You may not be lesbian, you may be bi, or a-sexual, or pan or straight and you may just be exactly what u said: tired. Depression steals from its victims certain desires and the energy to actually fulfill stuff.
So don’t worry about your sexuality, embrace what you feel right now, and if it happens to be that you love women then so be it. I love men, women, trans, queers, etc. I love humans. I love my boyfriend to death. And I embrace the fact I know I love humans for who they are and care not for what sex they are. Embrace what you feel now. And if you feel ready, Let it shine bub! But first, focus on taking care of yourself.
I’ve struggled with my sexuality my whole life. lesbian, straight, bisexual? I don’t know. maybe we shouldn’t care too much about the title and just explore and stop settling for what’s safe? I don’t know.