I hate myself

I despise what I am. I have broken laws just to feel pleasure. I have cut just to feel pain. I am numb, I wasn’t always like this but like many events it came with a revelation. I have no friends. They are not there for me even though I’m there for them. I can’t cry I’ve tried many times to make myself, though I just can’t. All people see is my smile. They don’t see me for what I truly am. Numb