I hate myself.
I hate myself because I know that others have it way way worse than me and they aren’t complaining. I hate myself because I am not skinny enough. I am not smart enough. I am not pretty enough. I’m not nice enough. I’m not friendly enough. I’m not out-going enough. I’m not talkative enough. I’m not open enough. I’m not perfect enough. I’m just…. not enough. I hate that I’m such… an attention whore. I hate that a lot of people have it way worse than me and I’m here just cry a river and thinking of ending it, but it ending because Im too coward to do it. Then i had a thought… People may have it way worse than me… But that doesn’t change what I’m going through. And I cry. Now Im ashamed. I hate myself.
6 comments
You said others have it like you or worse. So what do they do? They accept and love themselves the way they are. Can you do that?
It sounds like you’re being really hard on yourself about how you feel. I’m going to be a huge hypocrite (cause I feel the same way you do) and say that what robert said is true. Is there anyway you can be less harsh on yourself? See the good that you do and try to focus on that when you start to feel down?
Hope you feel a little better and if you ever want to talk, shoot me a email.
I was also going to say that no one can judge how you feel. I see that you already realize that, but each person is unique. There doesn’t need to be a reason for you to feel upset, angry, or to hate life. If you do, then that is something that you feel. Sure there is a cause, but first and foremost it’s how you feel.
And speaking from experience comparing yourself to others is one of the quickest ways to lead to your own downfall when you combine that with hating yourself for how you feel. So…if there’s any way you can focus on the good in you instead…. I’d recommend it….
Other people most certainly do complain. The difference is that they don’t become fixated because they have a slightly different personality. We don’t all suffer from paranoia, low self=esteem or depression and some people might complain less than others but everyone complains. We are our own worst critics because our lives are important to us. The most confident people can be made to lose all their self belief when things go wrong which is why these issues are often viewed as psychological. Therefore, in time you should feel better about yourself.
There is always someone who has it worse than you. Woe be it should you be the last in that line though.
You not being smart enough, skinny enough, pretty enough or whatever other avenue of comparative dissonance you use to induce the feeling of depression, is not true at all. Don’t base your standards on those others have ‘established’.
Everyone feels pain. Some experience it to a greater or lesser extent than others but you can only know the pain YOU have felt. Your lonely sorrow, your most painful memory and that tight pit of despair deep within your chest are no less meaningful just because someone else out there has it worse than you.
There is no need to feel embarrassed, plenty of us have tried to kill our selves over stuff that might seem petty to another. It made it no less serious for us though.
FYI, what you were saying about qualities you believe to be ‘lacking’ in, is only dependent on what lifestyle you are aiming for, as well as what domain you are walking in. Keep in mind that a different set of people may offer up different ‘requirements’. Thus rendering any sort of conclusive result regarding “I’m not (insert here) enough”, statement to be purely situational and thus objectively speaking, only as true as you want it to be.
Thank You. All of you. For the feedback.