I think I’m depressed, maybe even suicidal. It all started when I was 8. On the day before my 9th birthday, my mum committed suicide….I remember my reaction, I ran into my room, ripped down all my posters, punched the wall (it made a crack) and I broke the class on my bench, then I just ran outside into the rain and cried.
my mum had been depressed for a while, she had no money and struggled to get a job. She was even homeless so she stayed with with her friend (my parents split up). Yeah so most of the time I stayed with my dad, but on weekends I’d go to my mums friends house. When she rented a house (about two years) she would have moments when she just gave up, she’d smash up the house (braking plates, glasses, furniture) and we would have to call my dad….
well yeah that went on for a long time and then when I was 8 she hung herself.
School kills me, I have friends, I get good grades, but it makes me so stressed and so miserable. Every night I cry myself to sleep (yeah everyone says that) and to be honest I want to die. I have so many problems with my legs and feet, so I’m always in pain. I feel like life isn’t even worth living.. It’s just the same SHIT over and over every single day. I feel sad even when nothing bad is happening, like I just got home, I go cry. I just woke up? I cry. I try to sleep? I cry.i have trouble sleeping every night because I’m so paranoid and I sweat and even shake at night and when I wake up I feel so dead and sad.
I hate my body, I’m so fat and I have blotchy skin and huge bags under my eyes. People say I’m skinny but I can’t see it… I don’t eat much anyway.
I’m 11, and I know you’ll say I’m just a kid and I don’t know what I’m doing, but this is just how I honestly feel and every day of my life ruins me.
2 comments
Who do you live with now? Try to get therapy, there are many things that can help you to get your life on track. Reach out to someone, tell them how you feel. I’m sorry you had to live through the trauma of losing your mother. But life will get better. It just takes some time, you will see.
Sounds to me like you do know what you’re doing and I’m sorry about what happened.
If you have friends and you’re getting good grades where does the pressure come from? I just quit my job because I didn’t want to do it anymore so I understand. If you see it as a life experience and imagine watching your life from the outside like being in a car, life is always more stressful for the driver than the passenger. That’s because we have responsibilities and in order to cope we need to find something else to focus on and as we become more experienced life can sometimes be easier to manage.