“No matter how hard you try there will always be someone better´´ This statement is to do with girls ovcourse, Its something a family member of my age said to me when I told him my story. He said that’s a lesson he’d learnt from his very sad love life story. But i’m not here to tell you his, I’m here to tell you mine and maybe find some confort between all us injured men.
I dont knw where to start… its a very long story (arent they all!..), so i’ll try and summarise: I’d know this girl for 12 years, for two of those we were in a serious relationship. Since we were little we’d always be arround eachother, and as we grew older we got attached and started to fall in love. Unfortuantly she had to move back to her country and we lost touch for a couple of years. Se came back to visit a few summers and we fell in love again everytime she did. Then the year I turned 18, I had my college savings and became more or less independant, she came over that summer and it was wonderful as usual, but hell! when it was comming to an end and she had to fly back home i coudln’t bear it, not another goodbye. I loved her and she loved me… so I basically said `fuck it´, this was a changing point in my life, i said: I love tis girl, i’m going to do whatever I can to make it work and make her happy. So I did… after that summer when she left, I flew over to see her. And again, and again and again… I’d specifiacly moved to this city with a big airport in order to make it easier to catch a plane, i chose a university course which i regret but she motivated me to get threw it. I was doign most of the flying, I had done 17 flights, spent over 2 grand + anything else I spent on her in the course of two years, and it was all so lovely, it felt like i was living in a film. I was happy and so was she, UNTIL… I had duties to do at university and she had lots of work, so I couldnt get out to see her for a period of 3 months. But we were strong we could get threw that, we were kind of use to it by that time… well, it all goes down hill from here. A month goes by and she leaves her job. She said she wants to go travelling round the wolrd for 4 months in september, I said oh okay hunny, I love you and I sopport you (even though i didnt like the idea i loved her and wanted all the best for her). I always knew she wanted to go travelling, and 4 months, pfft! we could get threw that! But then she said 6 monts, then 8 then a year… Something was going on, this wasn’t normal. For the next 2 months untill i got there, there where days were she seemed normal, and others were was completely different and unloving… When I got there 3 months later, is when I discovered what had been going on. Obviously she wasnt herself and I couldnt explain it to myself, i had done nothing wrong and she didnt have an answer… I couldnt believe it! or her!, so one night I got her phone to look for any possible clues, and boy did I find. Since she had left her job she’d had more free time, and she’d been going out with her slagg friends, met another guy and couldnt resist the temptation, thats basically it. I knew for sure she loved me, i dont know what made her change her mind so quickly!. In the course of 2 weeks! 2 fuckign weeks! this other guy had been flirting with her and eventually taken my girlfriend to bed! (he probally had no idea that I existed). I was paralised when I read it, it was unbelievable, I literally could hardly breathe. After everything we had been threw, she gave up on me and what we had for that!… I left her house the next day, I coudlnt bear it. She’d ruined so much! I was like another son for her family, her brother was my best friend… BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT HURTS THE MOST? That she didn’t even care, she thought there wouldnt be any consequences because she was going travelling for a year, she made me feel like garbage, like if she could just throw me away. I knew it was commign to and end anyway, she wanted to go travelling for a year, and I booked my flights specifically to be able to see her go from the airport. I woudlnt have minded it to end that way! it would have been nice, and i would have accepted it.
I don’t need to go on about it… You gentlemen know what its like when you INVEST your heart and Soul so deeply in another person and then it all goes to hell, all that sacrifice for nothing! So its been 3 months now since she’s gone. Since I left her house shes been going out with her mates and being with that other guy… I dont know how she can find it so easy. Im suffering here, badly! and shes out there having fun and sleepign arround. 2 months ago she left and went travelling, having the time of her life! And here I am… I spent so much time on her that I dont even know who I am anymore, I built a life arround her, she was the centre, my motivation and happyness. Im in a course I dont like but cant quit because i’ve put too much time and money into it, I live in a city that constantly reminds me of her, I haVe no idea what to do with my life or where to head carrer-wise. Its horrible, its torture. Everyday feels pointless, it hurts and all I can do is hide it and desperatly hope i will forget it all. Not long ago I was alone in my flat, I had been drinking, I was staring at myself in the mirror trying to figure out who I was. I coulnt keep the teers in and I couldnt answer the question. I just wanted to end it right there. I still have two years left here, I dont know how much longer im going to last. I go to bed hearing my heartbeat in my ears and a constant pain in my heart. Ive had to use medication to get some sleep most nights. I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO DESERVE THIS.
Thank you in advance for any support you show me, I’ve been needing it and i dont know for how much longer i will need it.
9 comments
Usually I don’t reply to posts about relationships, because I feel I can’t relate, but in this case some things really stood out to me.
I’ve never had love troubles, but, when you talked about investing so much time and how you loved her so much…only to have this happen to you, it really reminded me of something a little different, which I think a lot of people can relate to: Losing a job.
I had a job that I really loved. The job I loved. The company was pretty shady and downright doing some illegal stuff, but basically, I loved my work. I came in 2 or 3 hours early and worked 1 or 2 hours late every day. (Until we got a new ***** boss who abolished overtime). As you said, I poured my heart and soul into it. I worked the hardest I had ever worked in my life to be a good employee and provide excellent service for the clients. My work WAS my life.
And then out of he blue, someone from the headquarters comes and tells me he’s not going to renew my contract, simply because of a personal life choice I made. He said it affects the image of the company and because I didn’t tell him about my plans to get married I lost his trust and that his trust was more important than my work performance and rapport with clients.
What the f*ck? I felt like I had just been dumped by the love of my like I had invested several years in.
It sucks, I know.
Then, when I was at home busting my a*s at my new business, I was thinking about the person who replaced me and all my co-workers still working there. Their salaries and their happiness doing that job. I felt it was so unfair. What did I do to deserve this?
So, I know how you feel.
You mentioned you went to a college and chose your course of study for her and you feel you can’t change it.
I know how you feel. I moved halfway across the world to do that job. And after so many years here, I feel like this place is my life and I can’t go back to my home country (hence the name “AmIStuckNow”. So, I’ll just make the most of my life here.
But you could probably change your major. I changed mine after my 2nd year of college. And almost all of the credits from the first major transfered to my second one. I worked extra hard in my last two years and managed to graduate on time, even though the faculty said it would be really difficult.
And from reading your post, you sound like a GREAT guy. It sucks that great guys sometimes get the short end of the stick. But they win in the end.
Any girl would be so lucky to have you. If she doesn’t realize that, it’s her loss. She should have hung on to someone like you.
But I’m sure there is another great girl out there who is worthy of you and I’m sure treat you right. It might take time to find her, but you will.
It hurts for a while. Losing something you love. I’m still bitter, almost a year later. But I’m slowly getting over it.
I hope you’ll heal with time too.
Waw, that must really suck! and to go half way around the world! 🙁 I’ve been thinking that maybe to keep my mind of her and the whole situation I should concentrate on a carrer and become a top man in my future job, (no idea what it is going to be!) I hope i dont get burnt the way you got burnt if do pursue to be the best at the job like you did. Your dedication sounds incredible, and I can see your comaprison between my story and yours. I’m Sorry to hear about it, I wish you all the best & a succesfull happy marriage.
Hello GeoPin,
I know the heart ache you speak of……it so deeply took ahold of me. I still struggle. My relationship ended over a year ago. We were not married but we’re living together for 3 years. Everything tied finacially. We have a son together who will be 3 in March. Truth always makes its way to light. Sometimes too late. Things ended badly between us. I kept growing angry. I could tell something was wrong and could fix it. Drove me mad. I became convinced that someone else was involved and even as to who it was, a coworker of hers. I was unable to pull any hard facts. Just circumstantial. I still confronted her on it. She denied and we would argue about it. To the point I actually felt bad about thinking it. But things kept me going that way. We argued and argued until she left. She blames me for ruining the relationship. She said all we did was argue. Then I would remind her that the argument was about this other guy…who she was with now….just a coincidence according to her……for months after we split, I went through a lot of stages of guilt remorse and just feeling horrible all around. Then I came across irrefutable evidence…..it put everything that I thought had been happening into place. It was her own words and her communications with someone else that she didn’t think I would ever see or hear about and it originated before our arguments about this guy started…..is it any consolation to me that I was right, she was sleeping around and that the problems were coming from her behavior and lies not me? No. The pain still resides to this day. I am still struggling to deal with it all. I ask myself countless times as to who I am…..why in the world would something like this happen to me….it’s just so messed up. For months I drank and drank. I contemplated suicide. I was now in a financial mess since I was left holding everything, since we were not married I have as many rights to my son as my neighbor does. Society is so messed up. I came close to ending it all. Can’t really get any closer I guess without ending it. I currently am floating. Existing for no real purpose at the moment. I go day by day, working on fixing the financial mess. It sounds horrible, but it’s certainly not my choice, I try to find ways to let go of my feelings for my son. She is not very cooperative in me getting to be with him, and she hasn’t taken it to court and I haven’t either. For one I don’t have to money too, and even if I did it would turn into a massive problem that results in more finacial mess with very limited time with my son. It’s the system and its retarded. She knows it and that’s why she doesn’t cooperate. She would rather tell me to take her to court. I don’t know what happened. She is not this girl I fell in love with and we were together too long for it all to be an act. She changed. But it’s over. And I struggle to deal with it from many aspects. I did not deserve this. But it is still what I got.
I hope you manage to handle it better than I did and than I am now. I am truly sorry this depth of emotional sorrow has found you.
I am sorry this happened to you. I don ‘t need to go into my “credentials” with respect to this particular subject – you can read all about it in some of my other posts. Suffice it to say I am very familiar with the heartache, the agony, the loneliness and the brutal betrayal you feel.
We get caught sometimes in the trap of feeling we have found our one true love. And if that happens early in life between two people, one will remain loyal, true and committed and it’s likely the other will grow up and figure out there is a whole big world out there full of other people very willing to give them attention. You didn’t mention anything about sex and it is possible she found it easier to look for a sexual relationship elsewhere than to bring it to the table and risk all the uncertainties with you. Or maybe she just got bored and wanted to explore other relationships, and the distance between you meant she could avoid conflict or the guilt of you finding out in the moment. It’s hard to say.
But please understand that she failed you. She hurt you without remorse. She failed to love you in the way you love her. AND, you deserve someone who does love you as deeply and as faithfully as you love them. I know saying that doesn’t make this any easier. But please do not lose sight of that fact.
I lost my will to live by putting all of my commitment, all of my faith and all of my love in one basket when I knew there was an opportunity for things to go wrong but I believed that we loved each other so much that good would triumph over evil and eliminate the risk of my being destroyed. Sometimes when relationships begin early in life there is this same sort of expectation that you where made to be soul mates and that love would last forever.
All I can say is try and go through this and move forward. What I mean by that is try not to get stuck at a stage of grief that goes nowhere. If you go through a trial, you can come out the other side and move on. I won’t kid you – this is the hardest thing on Earth but it is what you have to do. Keep writing so your emotions aren’t packed away and try and find someone you can trust to talk to that will listen. You need true friends right now. And above all remember you deserve the love you need – the perfect love. Take some time to heal but if you keep your head up and eyes open, and love yourself you will find that person.
– peace
You’re damn right she hurt me without remorse! Even though I know I deserve better I still love that girl in the back of my heart. You see it’s not me the one that did wrong and I never wanted things to end. It seemed impossible at the time, and it all happened so quickly! Its hard to explain but some days will be easier than others. You ask yourself so many questions. At one point i was trying to blame myself, I asked myself if I could have made things go differently? Did I do the right thing? Why did she go down that path, I thought we were so strong? It is so difficult to keep your mind off it! I dont think I will ever find the answers. But one day if I ever meet her again, which im pretty sure I will a few years from now… I will say to her “You know what… I
learnt a valuable lesson from you and what you did. -No matter how hard I try, there will always be someone better-´´ I want to make her feel like shes made me change the way I think and that because of her I feel worthless. And I hope at that moment she realises I tried so hard for her, Very HARD! I put a lot on the line just to be able to go and see her, at a time when I was short of money, but even then I found the way, because I truly loved her! I really hope she realises that one day.
I have no idea what to say. Just know I read it through and feel for you. 🙁
The lengths I’ve gone to help and be superman to others…hahahaha! It doesn’t mean anything in the end cuz really no one appreciates good people. It seems from my experience that the better natured you are the more crucified you are. It’s a crying shame it’s like that but for some weird arsed reason it’s how it is. May God bless you and deliver you all that you want cuz in my head people who are good deserve the best 🙂
I’ve noticed that too! I think im a nice guy naturally, I like to help others out. It makes me happy to see someone else happy. And i’ve noticed that the nicer you are the more people take advantage of you. Ovcourse, deppending on who it is you may get rewarded or not, but still… When she was still my girlfriend I’d bust my ass helping out her family with task like building work, fixing their cars, etc… Absoluetly busted my ass! and all to show her and her family that I was hard working and worthy… they loved me for it ovcourse. Now its all ended, I feel like i wasted such a huge amount of effort because now they have just forgotten me! Its so unfair. I know im still present in that household in some way though, I helped out in so many ways. When they sit on that patio floor I built, or walk threw that door I put in or even remmember how the garden used to look before I cut down that huge ugly tree, they’ll remember and they’ll miss me. They might even say to my ex girlfriend that she should have held on to me. Anyhow… I still lost a huge part of myself and my life in that place I used to call home!
Waaaw! I wasnt expecting much answer. I want to thank you all, the things you have said made me raise my head and make me feel a little more hopeful. I will always live with this scar on my heart but I’ll just have to keep taking every day as it comes. I would give you all a handshake if I could. Thank you!