Fuck depression sucks big time, the only time I’m not depressed is when I’m drunk or asleep.
Take me to a better place lord I want out from my illness. Doing it as soon as I save up for an older style car. The pain free way until then, living out this rotten existence is the only way.
I can’t even get a job no motivation and when I did all I had was an increase in voices through the radio. Thought I was tough living as a schizophrenic but I’m not can barely function and all I want is alcohol and tobacco to make me feel normal again.
All I recall is being in the happy place I was once in, the voices tell me there’s no depression on the other side. Big black clouds surround the stinking mess I’ve put myself in its my fault.
Wish I never inherited my sickness from my family.
6 comments
That totally sucks. I can’t even imagine.
It sucks to be whete you are at the moment i feel ive lost hope too im sick of bipolar just as much as youre sick of your illness
It really does…
At least your voices are not (also) your neighbours. Even my cat can hear them, but my “family” thinks im just nuts. I cannot longer try to commit suicide because they control my meds.
When I was under mental health I was forced to have an injection until I cryed and sobbed it was too high a dose, I was functionless. Convinced them I was going to take my pills which they believed. Still take my pills though or else I go manic scizo lol. So i keep my suicide to myself now. Only one other knows and he’s a famous medium.told me to contact him if I ever do because he has a problems with dying too but I won’t. As long as my superannuation doesn’t go to my x wife I will die with gratitude and it goes to my mum to pay my funeral costs and enough for her to pay her credit cards. Love her heaps but have already grieved about her losing me and I’m pretty emotionless about it because ya tend to cook the emotions until ya become emotionless. The more I hate being depressed the more I want out, I just want to be on the other side where there r no money problems or depression or anti social problems. I know of 2 people who have committed suicide including my aunty who shot herself I cried so much was just a kid. Didn’t understand why she did it.. Now I know why coz people just want out maybe its selfish maybe its not. I have been on suicide forums grieving lost ones and they don’t understand what its like being depressed in a big black hole or being suicidal. They just don’t know. Usually there’s nothing anyone can do to help if they are actually going to do it. It just prolongs the enevitable maybe I’m just being negative I dunno
I feel for our situation…mental illness is no fun at all…I know it very well. I’ve had cancer and all kinds of physical issues was well but mental pain is a ‘special’ kind of feeling fucked. I hope that you can see some hope in your situation though really I know how hopeless, wistful and empty that can sound 🙁
Sorry to hear kotankat mental pain is fucked, I try to see hope in the situation and my study at polytech but it is difficult. To say the least. It never use to be this bad and I’m only 31. Which is kinda young. I have no motivation anymore and can’t see any light to the situation but I do try. and i know how much my mum loves me but if I be selfish once in my life and go through with suicide it will make me feel better by not having to deal with this dark disease a lot of us here have.