The hardest year

This has been the hardest year of my life. To say things have gone south is an understatement. Some good things have happened but the bad far outweighs it. I attempted to commit suicide unsuccessfully earlier this year. Ever since then I’ve had off and on thoughts about attempting it again. The biggest thing that has stopped me is my kids and the thought of who would find my body. The first time was a cry for help. I didn’t succeed because I was sloppy about it. This week though all the feelings have come rushing back. I can’t stop thinking about the fact that my wife is divorcing me andis seeing other men and they are doing things that were once sacred to us. It torments me. I can’t sleep, I can’t be productive at work and worst of all I can’t be a good father because of it. The last is my biggest reason to want to do it. I went from a full time father to only being allowed to see my kids here and there. The wounds aren’t healing. They keep tearing open. Add to all this financial problems and mental health issues and I want to die even more. I’m bipolar and ocd. None of this helps the matter. I’m medicated and seeing people but nothing seems to work. I feel hopeless constantly and like an animal trapped. I want to run away but know it isn’t going to solve any of it because it will all still be there.