Who understands what this feels like. Who knows the pain I’m in. Who lives with suicidal thoughts everyday of their life. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to be here. Does anybody understand? I am a 24 year old queer female who is lost and struggles with alcoholism/addiction issues. Is there anybody out there that could relate/talk to me?
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read the post below yours 🙂
I have struggled with melancholia and anxiety since birth. I attempted the first of 8 times when I was not yet 4 years old. I spent a half a century trying to off myself or obsessing about death and dying throughout. Do I understand? Unfortunately no. I have not lived your life or experienced your reality…but pain and despair and fear and anger…that I can relate to.
The best thing I ever did for myself…was to quit drinking. But then for me it was easy…my doctor prescribed marijuana. So in reality I just switched addictions. Where alcohol was toxic to my life and my system…marijuana has kept me here long past my original expiry date and I have had 3 years now with little or no depressive or anxiety episodes. I am also on no other medications other than the medical marijuana.
Me thinks there is a WHOLE lot more to your story than I have read…so I will abstain from giving advice from my standpoint of ignorance. I have a million nosy questions to ask…but again I will abstain. Wanna share? So yeah. I can relate on some levels…but I am not queer…whatever the hell that means. I am assuming that you are Lesbian…not that your sexuality matters a whit to me.
Amakua- thank you so much for your reply! I love that you were able to give up alcohol by using pot. I personally am a daily pot smoker it too helps immensely with my anxiety! Unfortunately, I still drink, maybe if I had more money (ie more pot) I would be cut out more of the booze. I used to have my card as well, but it expired years ago. I live in SAn Francisco, where do you live? I also used to be addicted to opiates, thankfully I got through that hell, but I still am tempted daily. I am so thankful for weed though as it gets me through tough times constantly!
Ontario Canada here. I have struggled with many addictions…mostly because I have an addictive personality…whatever that means. I know it is an attempt to avoid my reality to a certain degree…or to make it tolerable…but that doesn’t make any of us unique on this site. 😀 Can I get an Amen ! hahaha
Seriously…alcohol is one of the worst things to be addicted to. Mostly because it is a depressant. And help being depressed? That I didn’t need. ha Unfortunately I was a good drinker and have no missing memories. That in itself has helped me abstain. But weed? Originally it was prescribed because I was terminally ill and was given less than 6 months. That was in Dec. 2000. Once I beat the diagnosis…I asked my physician for help to quit smoking weed…and she refused. It was her opinion that it was the only thing keeping me alive…you know…keeping me eating and sleeping. So since I couldn’t quit…I decided to use it for a different purpose, and began a true healing journey.
The good news is that I have not experienced serious depression in over 3 years…and have no anxiety left whatsoever and my doctor and therapist say I will never experience it again. Does this mean I am cured? Who knows. 😀
When you say everyday of your life…I assume unlike me that you don’t actually mean “every” day of your life…so how long have you been suffering? Since early childhood, teens…or is this more recent? Again…just being nosy. Another nosy question? Why can you not get a new card? Just curious.
Yes, I understand not wanting to die but not wanting to be here. I have struggled with those feelings since early childhood and it’s the reason I self-medicate and have an addictive personality. I have always felt “out of place”, and the only time I felt comfortable in my own skin was only for a short time I had with someone that is no longer in my life.
But I know the kind of anxiety you feel – and how hellish it can be. Many of my days are spent just waiting for a way out to cross my path, if that makes any sense. I am glad you posted something here; you’ll find there are some good people that can listen and writing about the emotions can really help diffuse some of the anxiety and depression that isolation can cause.
– peace
I have suicidal thoughts everyday and often every hour. But really I don’t want to live so not wanting to die is just not on my mind and hasn’t been for over a decade. But on this site you’re in good safe company with people who won’t judge. I wish you the best.
I’m not suicidal but I’ve met many friends like u, i think u’ll be fine cuz u have already the courage to throw it off your chest, just be stronger & dont give up.
if u want to talk, just email me & i’ll reply gladly. 🙂
I know exactly how you feel. I’m an 18 year old queer female and I’ve found ways to receive alcohol. I’ve gotten “drunk” every time I decided to drink. I found it easier to forget how bad my life is. I’ve had suicidal thoughts for about 6 years now. I’ve reached out to a counselor. She told me to find something I love to do. I decided to play basketball. Whenever you want to drink or do a line, or whatever you do, just do an activity that will keep your mind off of the negative addictions. Keep yourself busy with other things that you can enjoy doing.
I don’t understand how to send personal messages to people on here
Anyone who comments on your post…their email should be visible. That would be the only way unless you ask for more specific options…and that I can’t help you with. Hope this helps. 😀