I don’t know what I’m doing. People always say “there is reason for living, there is reason to stay alive” but I don’t see that. What’s my reason? My 3 best friends of 3.5 years that stopped talking to me two days before my birthday? My dad that left when I was two weeks old?
A friend of mine once said to me (before his girlfriend blocked me on his account) “You can’t say no one else has any reason for living.” but what I was trying to say to him was, why are any of us alive? What is the point of life? We aren’t going to get very fair if we just die in 70-odd years.
There’s a quote that basically says “life is like a movie. If you’re half way through and you don’t like it, it probably won’t get better by the end. No one should blame you for walking out early.” So why do we try to stop each other?
Hep doesn’t help. I’ve tried. Trust me, I’ve tried. I’ve attempted suicide a few times. But I failed, just like with everything else.
Have a mentioned I’ve only just turned 17? I’ve been cutting since I was about 9, and I’ve been suicidal basically since then. I don’t knownwhats keeping me here but I don’t think it’ll keep me here much longer.
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Every life has value has meaning, including yours – p.s. I have sat through movies that were just overhead but then the end comes and it wraps everything up nicely. Kind of how Shutter Island was for me. There is always time to make a difference in your own life or even someone else’s. When I think of dying(which is often) I remind myself of the ripple effect.
I’ve been where you are. I’m now 41. I made it through and it’s been hard. I feel for you SO much because the pain is unbearable. I want you to know though that what is truly worth it in this life is when you feel connected to someone – even just one other person who you know gets you and you get them. There is nothing more beautiful than being able to share yourself fully with another person. And to experience something together even if it’s just a walk through the park looking at the birds in the trees or having a laugh over something. That is what I think life is about…sharing ourselves with others and feeling connected on deep levels. I would love to know what help you thought was no good. My suggestion would be to try and find a support group for yourself so you can open up to others. Is this something you have tried or would be willing to try? It can change your life I promise – as long as it’s the right kind of group, one that makes you feel safe and respected and honoured for the beautiful, unique human that you are. Know that I care and I’m thinking of you. xox