My life seems great looking from the outside in. I have a nice looking family with comfortable living expenses, three cars, and a nice house. But honestly my emotions have taken a toll on my life. Growing up I’ve stolen and lied numerous times and basically I’m just a terrible person. Some may say I deserve it.
Parents divorced, I live with my mom. And since then she’s been meaner and meaner, boyfriend by boyfriend. Now she’s married and doesn’t care for me. Being an asian parent, she’s abused me. Laying a hand on your own child is considered abuse even if it’s just a spank. Once a week she yells at me. Tells me she hates seeing my face. Tells me to go die. And it’s been like continuos stabs to the heart and the wounds are getting bigger and bigger. And when I cry she yells at me and hits me more. I feel I deserve it because sometimes I’m involuntarily disrespectful and I regret it so bad I do but idk why I can’t stop. Sometimes when my my yells at me I refute and she gets mad but I don’t mean to be disrespectful I don’t know how I’m like that. Sometimes I pray to god (even though I’m not religious at all) to have me not wake up in the morning, I pray to my late grandma to take me with her in heaven, I cry for hours and I cry to the point where my eyes are puffy and I can’t see anymore. I cry just wishing Ill disappear off the face of the earth.
Today I almost did kill myself until my little sister plead me not to and now the only reason I’m alive is to see her grow up and have a wonderful life with a husband, kids, her hopes and dreams fulfilled. Because my mom loves her more than me. And I’m happy for her that she doesn’t have to go through what I have been going through.
2 comments
It’s not your fault. You can’t control the actions of others. Unfortunately, when others are mean or abuse you, your body is affected. If somebody is telling you to go die, that’s not something you deserve… and it’s not something you should do. Perhaps your involuntary disrespect is a defense mechanism. There is only so much that people can take. You won’t always have to deal with this. One day, you and your little sister will both be out of the house… living your independent lives. You will also have a husband, kids, and hopes. Don’t give up your goals because of the actions of others.
Remember, it’s not your fault.
hi lynnypoo. dont give up. The world beat you up, if you just stay strong. things will get better.