“Do You Really Want to Leave Your Family With That Kind of Pain?”

This is something I think about a lot. I love my family, they are the only people I truly care about. If I decide to end it, they’d be devastated. With my family’s history of suicide, there might even be a reactionary suicide after me. And yet, what life is it to live when you live for other people? Staying alive just so you don’t cause others pain only makes your pain more obvious. You steep in your own sadness and misery just because you don’t want to make other people feel bad. People move on, for the most part. We cannot be the keepers of other people’s emotions, not when we don’t have a good handle on our own. If I die the only people that will truly be hurt are my family members. I am friendless. Some people might feel bad for the girl who talked too much but didn’t say much, they might wonder why I decided to kill myself when I seemed fine, but 10 years from that day they will have forgotten about me 9 and a half years ago. My death is of no serious consequence to anyone. I’m sorry your mentor tried to play the Blame Game with you, that’s such a shitty thing to do. Happened to me with a therapist (I only went to one session, that’s how shitty it made me feel!) and they really just don’t fucking understand how much we abhor this mundane existence, full of horror and despair. They just are not like us.