Not really relevant to much, but I just think this dudes an awesome lyrical ninja.
I just noticed something about myself. I twitch my fingers when I’m annoyed/angry. Am I the only one that has such a weird tick? Also, I know I would be an awesome serial killer with a weapon glove. Joking aside, I almost strangled my grandfather today but I managed to hold myself back since there are too many witnesses… My continued existence is also why I’m not religious.
Just a post to say thank you to the awesome dudes/girls who replied to my first post and helped me out. I am truly grateful that you cared enough to reply and offer me support and sympathy. And especially for not preaching the feel good bullshit that is on 99% of help sites online.
I kind of feel as if I’ve hit a point in life, as if I am waking up to who I really am. It is terrifying but I have to be me. No matter how I am on the outside, my soul and brain are still me. It’s time for me to ditch the fake me, who has brought me nothing but shame, unhappiness and self-loathing.
My life has been mostly shit for ages but truly “to hell an back” over the past 18 months. Yet, some things have happened (or tormented me with the hope) that have been like the highest high – a promise of true happiness and freedom. Destroyed cruelly by life but somehow, it has awoken the true me. It is as if I went through trial by fire and the fire burned away the fakeness.
Two tips for people going through hell. 1) Breathe. 2) Love your pets.
I’ve just been wondering about this question, so yeah, as the title already says, what’s keeping you alive?
Family? Friends? Something you don’t wanna miss?
For me, I guess it’s mainly my family, because I couldn’t imagine just leaving them here with all this shit that I created and they have to pay for in the end.
They really don’t deserve it.
The second would be that I’m just too fucking ***** to actually do it. I have to admit, even though life is Hell on Earth already, I’m still afraid of what comes after death. Whether I have to regret it or not.
Besides this little God damn spark of hope just doesn’t want to get extinguished. Even though I desperately try to get rid of it, it constantly keeps me thinking, that in some time my life might change and it could be awesome and great fun. But it really is depressing and exasperating to see it getting smaller and smaller every single day but yet not being completely burned out.
I hate that all, as well as I hate myself…
Only way I could find the pics lol but they are so cool its a old psychiatric hospital in my country not too far from where I live my brother broke into when he was 15 and was really traumatized saying he could here the screams of the old patients O-O so I thought I should look this shit up. :3 the pics are really cool no not mine some photographers.
Sorry about posting non Suicidal content. If you want to know something depressing i was guilted into attending a slightly cultish Christian event earlier so there is that.
I haven’t seen the movie yet but I’m worried, really worried. I’ll see it tomorrow but my expectations are lowered. You see I’m a comic book fan in general. Not a marvel fan or dc (or image or any other indie for that matter) but i love the medium. So since these movies have become the dominant blockbuster I have been prettty happy. Also Batman is my favorite fictional character. So i want this movie to be good soo badly. But the reviews are punishing this film. I’ve been worried for a while about this film. Not necessarily because of batfleck. More because of the younger Michael Bay(Zach Snyder) and Michael Cera’s evil twin (Mark Zuckerberg wait that’s not his name? Fuck what is it? Jesse Eisenberg yeah him). I liked Man of Steel. I think the hate of it is overblown. I left the theater happier with that than The Dark Knight Rises.(I now have them about even though Nolan’s final batman film had more plotholes just blow up the damn city when you see the bat signals, why is Bruce Wayne losing all of his shit so quickly, also how is Gotham supposed to bathe now that all of their water is nuclear…i digress) I’m worried that this movie could sink the comic book super hero ship as far as movies go. At least be the beginning of the end. I remember when comics were seen as uncool and odd. Its great to see it be an important artform again. Look at things like the Walking Dead(not a zombie fan but im aware of its ommense popularity) Comic books are now a well respected medium. I dont want that to end because Zach Snyder wanted to jerk off on everything. Granted Age of Ultron was a mess and the ship kept sailing. The Winter Soldier was awesome so was Deadpool. Civil War and Suicide Squad look awesome. Idk i just hope this movie doesn’t suck and if it does it doesn’t ruin the whole medium.
In case you don’t get the reference in the title here is some (pre) Postal Service.
No, I didn’t really eat cheetos naked in WalMart.
But that would be an AWESOME memory to have.
Right up until the point when the security guards escorted you out.
They’re more uncomfortable grabbing you than you are about them.
My actual Friday has been spent entirely in bed.
Getting ready to take the evening meds and settle down for a few hours of websurfing combined with a few movies playing in the background.
Fun, but unbelievably dull compared to the energetic naked people out there in the bean bag section of WalMarts everywhere.
went to the cinema tonight to watch dead pool which is a awesome film for all u marvel fans out there now back to reality down thinking about how life sucks I really do hate reality so much I can stand it which is why I’m a alcoholic ( I haven’t drank in 2 years ) and smoked weed since 14 til 21 so now I just have to sit here with my own company which I hate depressed and numb of meds Life sucks
Found out a couple days ago that if I commit myself to get help my roommate and mother will convince them I’m faking for attention and to have my released. They they would kick me out so I’m homeless, get rid of my dog, and destroy my computer. How awesome is that? Last night I disolved a large quantity of different drugs in a glass of water to drink. Tonight it’s still in my bathroom. Only reason I didn’t was that a friend of mine was falling apart, and I didn’t want to cause him more issues until he’s better. Now it’s so unbearable that I’m ready to drink it and fall asleep. I want to get help, but if I do those two plan to make it a nightmare. It’s like why should I try anymore. I’m ready. I’m tired. I lost anything to hold on to.
Wow. Seems like I’ll be spending New Years Eve on my own after a huge fight with my mom. A moment ago I wished that I would just fall asleep in a minute and never wake up anymore, and I still sort of do. I don’t want 2016. Everyone is telling me to be happy because 2016 is starting. It is just a year like normal. And I don’t believe that it will get better. Shit is still going on. In the last few weeks more shit has been going on than in the rest of 2015 and that shit is not going to stop. I am depressed and I won’t just get over it. No, not even with a New Year “full of new chances” coming towards me. But people don’t seem to understand. My life won’t start over in 2016 and after being depressed for almost 7 years at the age of 16, I am giving up on my life ever getting better. And if this is my life than I don’t want it anymore. 2016 means that I will live for yet another year. I don’t want that. But I guess I will have to. I need to get out of this crap. I just don’t know how.
But anyway, I still hope for everyone to have an awesome year. I hope you will feel loved, get everything you deserve (which is a lot, I’m sure), I hope you will be able to stay strong, I hope you will stay alive because you all deserve it, I hope you will all have an awesome year or at least one that will be better than this year. May 2016 be a good year for all of you. God bless you.
Even though this comes late, I hope all of you enjoyed a great and nice Christmas feast.
And more importantly, I wish everyone here an awesome new year in 2016.
Well, another year passes by again. For me and I guess for most you too, sadly just another year of grief, loneliness and failure. So, let’s hope it’ll be better in 2016 than in this year.
May all of you be on the bright side of life then, with the warm and comforting sunlight on the path your walking.
May all of you be safe and sound and have nothing left to fear.
May all of you enjoy a happy new year!
All the best!
So, I changed my mind. What changed my mind?
I was ready to go through with it. I was tired. I still am. I cant sleep at night, I cant handle the flashbacks of every horrible thing that has happened. But I still decided to stick around.
When midnight hit, I took my rope and the book I write my dark things in to my peaceful place. I wanted my family to find my book and realise how messed up I had been for the past few months.
I sat there smoking weed and drinking gin for a while, enjoying the peace one last time on this earth before finally having eternal peace on the unknown. It felt nice for a second.
Then I kept hearing this annoying barking and howling. Where was it coming from? It was ruining my moment. It was coming from that house. The flashbacks came rushing back, and so did my rage. I remembered that they once set that dog on me. They stood there watching as I screamed trying to get it off me, laughing, enjoying the fucking show, until my brother got it off me. It bit my leg. I had to take seven shots of antirabies and needed an incision and drainage of an abscess on my leg. That was last year.
I couldnt let that barking ruin my last night on earth. That barking couldnt be the last thing I heard.
I had a score to settle with that damn dog. I hate it. So, I rushed back into the house and grabbed the biggest kitchen knife I could get my hands on. I planned on stabbing the shit out of it. And I did. I dont even know how many times I went off at it. There was so much blood. I was covered in blood. I felt all the rage leave my body in that moment. I no longer felt the need to kill myself. I took the bloodied knife and went back under my tree. I lay there looking at the sky drinking and smoking more weed until I passed out.
I was woken up in the morning by my mother, the rope and knife still with me, and that damn dog barking.
Fuck! I was dreaming. It was a damn dream. But it made me feel better. Letting all that rage out like that felt awesome.
I gave my mother some story about why I had the rope and knife with me.
So, I want to see how all this will end. For now, it wont end with me taking my life so soon.
New member here, after roughly 1 year of anonymously lingering around this site, I’ve decided that I should finally register, and here I am a registered member of this awesome site. So yeah, enjoy my company and I hope to get to know everyone well and that we may also exchange our suicidal stories. haha 🙂
Please log in to report posts