The Fifth Word was “Abyss”

I am slowly coming to honest terms with the fact that, against all of my efforts, there truly is no hope for me. Whatever good things that I either create for myself or just happen upon me are all illusions whose ugly truths get revealed eventually.

I cannot trust my mom or my dad. Or the various mentors in my life.

I cannot trust my sister.

I don’t know if I can trust my brother, although ironically he’s shattered my trust many times in the past.

I cannot trust the only person who has ever really known me and who said the words, “I will always love you.”

I no longer have friends to break my trust.

This February, I am going to travel through parts of Europe with an acquaintance of mine and my life is going to be changed somehow by the trip (or at least, this is what I expect to happen). I am both dreading February and viewing it as a last shot at seeing some sort of deeper value to life, although I suspect I’ll discover that I am universally strange, unapproachable, and overall a sorry spirit. I don’t want to write my own future, but I don’t want to fall into another great cesspool of disappointment which happens so often with me.

But anyways, you’ll know it’s all over when the seventh word has been spoken. I hate to keep dragging this whole thing out.