To my friends, thank you for being there for me. I enjoyed our chats. I’m sorry I haven’t been around the last couple months. I thought about you often, and wish that I could have had time to come on here and be a “regular” again. You helped me through some difficult stuff, and just talking about it with you guys and hearing opinions was very helpful.
To those who are struggling with this life: try not to give up hope. Things CAN get better. Many of you are just in bad situations. Bad situations that are TEMPORARY. As the old quote goes “Don’t fix a temporary problem with a permanent solution.” I know that some of you are in a different situation, and that things just can’t improve, for whatever reason. I hope that you can find peace, either to keep going, find a reason to live, or find peace in Death’s embrace. I just wish you peace.
For me, there was no other solution. My situation was not a temporary problem, because you can’t bring people back from the dead (not without horrible consequences, hahaha). I died when he died, my body just didn’t realize it. I’ve been dead for over a year now, and yet still breathing, walking and talking.
No more. I found my resolve tonight. I should have died back in August when I slit my arms open. Would have been better. I feel like an asshole.
To my family: God knows if you will ever read this, but if you do, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I ruined an already really shitty Christmas. I’m sorry that this had to happen. I’m sorry that I failed back in August. I’m sorry that Jack died. I’m sorry that I didn’t KNOW it was bad and didn’t call the ambulance right away and break down the damn door. I would have given ANYTHING to save his life. I’m sorry that I couldn’t live for YOU, but he was my everything. I love you all dearly, but you are not half of me, like he was. When he died, it was like someone sliced off my right arm and leg and just left me to flop around like a dying fish. If God were kinder, I would have dropped dead the moment I saw his blue, lifeless, terribly still body. It haunts me to this day. The way he looked. The love of my life, blue and splotchy and laid out on an ER bed with a breathing tube taped to his face. I thought I had suffered enough in my short life. God took away the one person who ever stood by me. The ONE person that I could always count on, even when we were fighting. He was my everything. And I’ll risk my soul to be with him again. Pray for me. Tonight I’m going back to my husbands arms.
I love you Mom. I’m so sorry.
Noah, I love you. You need to grow up and take care of mom. This is your moment. Don’t fall into despair. Tell your friends to fuck off and stop giving you drugs and booze. Get clean, help mom, be a good person. You have so much to offer, but you’re not gonna do shit with your life if you keep using.
I won’t be here tomorrow. To those really needing a way out, look up dry ice, but please, don’t make any rash decisions. If you can find a reason to live, or if there’s a hope that you’ll ever be happy, please consider. I’m going home to my husband. All I ever wanted was to be in his arms. We’ll be reunited here soon. But if you’re NOT TRULY in a hopeless situation, please try to hang on. The world is cruel, but there is so much love and joy and happiness that goes with it. I wish you all the best.
Love,
EvilKitten aka Wendy aka Wenchire
21 comments
Suicide methods aren’t allowed to be discussed here as you well know. Just had to mention it anyway didn’t ya. Really classy.
its not a method.. its a suicide note.. there is even a category for it..
Read the whole thing..”To those really needing a way out, look up dry ice” That right there. She was here quite often and knows full well this is against the rules.
ah i c your right, fuk i missed that. damn.. sorry whispers
no prob krazy and glad to see you are still with us. 🙂
ya im still here.. barley holding on.. dead inside.. evil mind.. want to die.. slowly dying.. too many mistakes and counting.. boulevard of broken dreams.. sigh… il check into that dry ice
yo, kaze, been thinking of you bro. forget the goddamn dry ice would ya. and your mind is not evil. i read your posts. an evil mind would not allow such compassion. the only thing mistakes are for is learning from them. it just feel like we are dead. the spark is still their,we just forgot where we put it.yes, all of us are dieing slowly.each second, minute, hour, is one less we have to endure. so get a tighter grip and start repaving that boulevard. i smoke this bowel of evil demon weed in your honor,please cuss loudly. glad your still with us brother man
See krazy? That is exactly why I got pissed off at her in this post. Now you know about dry ice. Another idea that you didn’t need to ever have. And no, don’t you go looking into it. Things can get better for you. Really, they can. hugs
Evilkitten, you wont succeed, your body and mind wont allow you to go through with it. you would probably survive any method you choose. If you have a home, a job, i know you have your family.. just stay alive.. watch movies and shows for the rest of your life if you need too.. but dont kill yourself.. if you do.. maybe your brother might follow your footsteps.. and how would that look? just help him and your mom have a happy life.. another man will come in and fill the void for now.
ek, come on now.reread your words. you still have much to accomplish. how would you beloved feel if he knew what you are doing? you know the anguish his loss causes you, your loss is going to cause the same anguish to all the people you named, plus your friends here on sp. you matter. your important. i mourn your loss, and cry with you in the pain we know so well. honor and cherish his memory. tell yalls story. maybe it can prevent this tragedy from happening again. please rethink your decision and try to push through this. we love you
Dear Evilkitten/Wendy,
Please don’t. I am so sorry you are hurting so much. I wanted to comment on your post the other night but I didn’t- I’m sorry. You have been through so much- you are fucking strong as hell- please don’t give up now, please. I don’t know you and have only commented on your posts back when you first came here. I feel for you. I can’t begin to imagine what it would feel to lose the love of my life in the way that you did- but I do know loss, and most people do. Most people carry pain and we have to manage somehow to find the strength to move forward, and it seems like you were. You have to see that. You’ve suffered so much already but you are still here. You went from almost homeless to finding work and settling in. Everybody needs help sometimes, I understand. If you were in a better financial situation, you would be able to cope better, so let’s be rational here- money is temporary, it changes, and with your hard word and determination, you will be above water soon. Hard work will pan out. You have persevered, so don’t let all that hard work go to waste. Although your situation feels hopeless to you, it is not an impossible situation. I can’t tell you how you feel, but please give it more time, please. I care.
i know how you feel when ours love one’s not there. this was happen to me , that time i almost die every day and the only thing is running in my mind is my love. i got drug addicted and i ruined my life but now i am fine and still alive but with different problem. hold your breath and stop your mind . you are awesome but your mind is cruel, stop thinking about your past try to be in present and look forward. you know there is lot of thing to do.Listen music , hard rock , goto party.
I lost the love of my life too. I truly know the feeling of not having a reason to continue. Are you young? If you are, you do have a reason to continue. Every moment we live, seems like the only moment, every pain and problem, seems like the biggest and that there’s no end in sight, but when you’re young, there is so much more to come, so much good. I see so many very young people on this site and it breaks my heart. The option to give up should only be for the old. Rethink that you have no future–you do. Your broken heart is REAL, the pain is REAL. But believe it or not, it WILL get better, slowly, slowly, but it will. And especially if you are young, you will love again. Young hearts are resilient, no matter how shattered, they can heal.
you think this is what jack would of wanted?
I very much hope you are still with us. You appear to love your family and recognize that your suicide would be painful for them, so I hope this will be enough for you to give your decision some more thought.
You also made mention that life and the world are full of joyous things in addition to the pain and evil we all experience. You are clearly aware of the good in life – the things worth living for – and I think you can find a way out of this black hole.
Perhaps a start would be to open up to your family about the pain and guilt you are feeling if you have not already done so. Essentially, tell them what you have written here instead of keeping it exclusive to this website.
I wish you the best.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
Yea! I am gald you are pushing forward and not giving up.
Even when life is difficult for some reason its still worth going on.
because what ever doesnt kill you It only makes you stonger down the road
and things DO get better.
I have figured after how much I have been through. Why woud it make sense to give up now
the wost is behind me. See when your at the bottom the only place to go is up.
Things get better. You just have to learn survivl skills along the way
and you can learn from past mistakes and not make them anymore
Moving forward is much better then giving up
I dont think the univese likes quitters.
THe universe is more in favor of Overcomers
Dry ice, thanks i should look into that
^ exactly why this post needs to be deleted. Evil Kitten if you read this, know what a lousy damn person you are. You knew not to post methods here! You knew! That’s 2 people you have given ideas to now. Feel proud? First scamming for money here and now this.
Hey I’d never heard of the Dry Ice Suicide Method before. I’ve just searched google and it checks out. You need a lot of ice though.
oh sweetheart…. i wish peace for you and i wish to find my peace as well.
u better still be around to donate ur remaining funds to me kitten