I keep reliving the same day over and over again. Wake up, nothing has changed. My thoughts instantly go to suicide to stop the pain. I constantly think about what I’ve lost and that there is nothing left. I’m so tired of crying every day. Now I’m to the point of this horrendous wail that I can’t control. I’m alone in a 5 bedroom house and the sound just echoes off of everything. Has anyone else experienced this heart wrenching moan? It used to be just simple crying but now it’s just a primal howl. Various times throughout the day, I wish for something to take me, a heart attack, car crash, anything. Why can’t I take the place of a kid with cancer or someone else with a terminal disease? At least then my life would have meant something. A purpose. Then off to bed with the same thoughts. Groundhogs Day.
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3 comments
Do somryning different then. Think about what you have, think about living, invite somebody over etc
I think Trent Reznor knows what you’re talking about (see: Echoplex & Every Day Is Exactly the Same).
But like Anunnaki suggested, breaking up that routine might help.
oh boy, the howl. yeah, i remember that. its now a regular part of my breakdown routine. scared me at first. same thing. couldnt stop the crying and all of a sudden, this ear splitting howl. no idea where that came from. over time i was able to take it and turn it into a tool. it is now an indicator that im headed south. its also used to release the inner yuck of the soul. ya gotta be careful though, cause it do freak out the neighbors. especally at 3 am. it is one negative that was able to be turned into a positive. i release one now in your honor. peace yo you