I’ve been depressed for only three years now and I have been in therapy and in treatment for two years and a half. I have been hospitalized 5 times in the past 2 years. I’m only 18 and I have felt enough pain to last a lifetime. I have tried so hard to get better, and nothing has changed, and I’m not sure if I can keep trying. I just want everything to stop. I don’t know what to do. I failed a suicide attempt in February and I so badly want to do it and succeed this time…
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Just a thought…. do you have any friends that you really trust? Sometimes, people who know you and care about you can actually be better than someone who works in the industry and starts to act as part of the “machine” if you will. See if you can identify a few people you really trust. If you can, while seeing many in the mental health profession, see if you can identify a few that might be considered a friend. Some are only in it for the money as in any profession. I hope that helps a little.
I live in a place in which healthcare if free – just a note.
I don’t really tend to open up to people…
I used to. It doesn’t help either honestly.
Yeah I hear ya…. sometimes talking doesn’t really do the trick…… I can’t blame you for wanting to end it…. Maybe it would help to just ask yourself some questions and let time do its thing….. I wish I had better answers, cause I am kind of there with you……
Try some humor. I’m listening to a stupid Finnish rap song “Friday 13th”. Some lyrics: “Whatever, get a few loans, lose all my money to pyramid schemes. Not ready to go to heaven, will buy a ticket to Thailand. Whatever, get a few loans, lose all my money to pyramid schemes. Not ready go to heaven. Everything’s fucked up, but I’m still singing lalalalala. Left a message to the boss saying f— you, the world keeps turning and I keep singing lalalalala.”
Sometimes life is so fucked up you can take a moment and laugh at the absurdity of it all. I’m not saying suicide isn’t serious business, but fuck it all because everything sucks. F’ this shit, I’ll keep living whatever way I can, no matter what anyone thinks. My life may be f’d up, but I can still find some way to enjoy it. F’ me, f’ u and f’ the world. F’ everything. Fuck yeah! Still alive bitches, whatcha gonna do!