Haven’t gotten out of my bed all day today, only to use the restroom, but that’s it. Haven’t eaten all day, and I’ve been up since 6 a.m. trying to lose weight. I’m fat. I cut myself Tuesday and Wednesday and its not healed yet, usually I’ll have a scab, but I guess I cut myself deeper than usual cause the wounds still open. It sucks i have to hide it from my dad an step mom. I don’t know I’m in a weird place, been thinking this whole time while I’ve been in my room. If I killed myself right now, no one would notice, no one would find me right away. No ones come into my room and checked on me all day today. Except my step mom who bitched at me for not telling my Grandma hi when she was here, sorry when I see her it brings back memories from when I was molested. I don’t know I wish I could give my life to someone who wanted to live. I’m 16 an I’m done with life. I’m done. There’s nothing good for me here. The only thing I’ve found in this world are people who will hurt you, anyway shape or form, hurt you. Whether that be physical or emotional. Thats all I’ve found. If I were to hang myself in the closet right now, they would not find me til later. I don’t know…
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I am so sorry for the traumas you endured and the pain you bear still. You deserve to be happy and carefree as a teenager. Life has treated you poorly but don’t give up on it yet. Truly there is no where to go from here except up, you’re at rock bottom it sounds like. Try and climb out of that hole. There are people who can help you – all you need is to ask. I wish you the best. Good luck to you.
I’ve been right here the lonelyness, the pain, the hurt all of it. I have written my letter more than once. It is always hard to find the things that bring you out of this deep hole of emotional hell. But the fact that you feel so deeply should not be the reason to end your life. I know what it is like to wonder “how long will it take them to find me?” Or “how can they not see?” It is hard for parents and even friends sometimes so understand what is going on, but their incapacity to understand what you are feeling and thinking is not a reason to end your life. Try this please it sounds dumb but I couldn’t ask for help until I did this…write a letter explaining how you feel every detail even if more than half your letter is bullet points just get it all out and give it to your parents, do this before you or they leave for an extended period of time, after they read your letter it will be much easier to talk to them about your true feelingings without feeling judged and it will help your parents understand and cope themselves. It will hurt them more than you can understand that their child has these feelings and thoughts and they did not know, believe me. Pain and sadness are feelings everyone has but no one wants, but the fact that we live through the pain and feel the sadness is to live. There will always be a better day.
Hello.. I am also 16.. If you would like to talk sometime, let me know. I understand what its like.. Im here!?
“No where to go but up”. But when I hit bottom I start digging.
I am sorry you feel so bad. It sickens me that such a low number of sexual predators are ever caught or prosecuted. At least if a child molester does go to prison the rest of the inmates serve them their due justice. But as far as I am concerned that isn’t enough. I hope someday the perp in your life is caught and prosecuted.
I also frequent have times days where I stay in bed the entire day. Sometimes there is simply nothing worth getting up for. But of course that is the worst thing you can do because it escalates. If there is any way you can find just one thing that you enjoy – even if you can write what you feel in a journal or a site like this it can help. If we keep things bottled up we cut and hide under the blankets.
You are young and you really do have time to live the life you want. But I know how much effort even simple changes can require. Having some support is important so I would encourage you to find someone you can trust and that will listen. I don’t mean a whole bunch of people you have to juggle, just one to begin with because any investment in trust can be costly. But when you find that person it will make all the difference in the world for you. I hope you can at least try to reach out – I sense there are some huge voids in your life and the right friend can fill those voids and give you things to look forward to. I wish you well.
– peace