It’s raining
I used to love the sound of rain. It calmed me. It drizzled through the leaves in the tree in the rose garden when we huddled together and ate sushi one afternoon. That is all gone now. Gone forever.
It’s raining
I can see her dancing in the yard with nothing but a big floppy hat. The rain made her happy. It washed away all of her tears and all of her fears. There are no more tears. She is no more.
It’s raining
How I loved to walk in the rain. Walking for miles on end. I could leave everything I hated, and that hated me behind. I was free.
It’s raining
I know because I hear it on the roof. But that is all I can do. I can’t walk in the rain anymore. Everything hurts so much I can’t walk anywhere. I don’t want to live anymore. I hate going to bed because I will wake up every hour in so much pain I cannot breathe.
But it’s raining. And I don’t fucking care.
5 comments
Hugs.
So sad to read this, nozmoking, it’s horrible to know you’re in pain and suffering like this.
this was beautiful, my thoughts go out to you nozmoking, it’s good to see you around, although I don’t know if it’s necessarily good to see you around on a suicide forum
Noz, every sentence you wrote conjured up a powerful image. At first I was imagining some fictional characters & settings representing your life. Then the images became my own. By the end I think I was truly feeling your desolation, because it’s mine as well. You have a rare gift my friend.
Thanks for the kind comments. I’ve lived my life and I’ve made my mistakes and prosecuted my gross errors in judgement. There is no going back. But It breaks my heart to know there are those with time; maybe a whole lifetime left to choose another path or to steer a new course that feel just as or more hopeless and powerless than I do. I wish there was some way to slip one more chance in an envelope and send it to those that come here whose pain masks their choices.