Life can be full of pain.
Most people have difficulties dealing with every day life,
and it’s more serious circumstances.
Some people are luckier than others,
they deal with mundane and less serious things.
Some aren’t so lucky.
What led me here?
What led those I have cared for here,
in this down in life state?
Monsters,
they don’t care for the consequences of their actions,
only their selfish gains.
Do monsters feel pain?
Do they know the depth of damage they cause others?
Do they know the lives they destroy?
I don’t believe in karma.
There is no ‘being patient’ for karma to come around.
There is no karma.
If it existed,
monsters will die,
and those little birds will fly.
13 comments
Currently surrounded by many of these monster people (family/friends), which their selfishness an actions have led me to this position. yet they feel no remorse and still treat me like a little bird. Don’t forget, even a little bird can become a monster.
People can be cruel. Lose these monsters if it is possible. Fly away if you can.
Nicely said.
thanks
I sit in a dark house waiting to die from the antifreeze I drink. It is working no more than a sleeping pill and I hate existing this way. You’re right about monsters, One took me for everything I had. Still loved her, still cared for her, and if she we’re ever in any pain or suffering, I’d do anything to end her pain. She does not see or feel the pain that she caused me. She thinks of me as weak and broken, battered and bruised. Truthfully, she’s right and no matter what I believe, I’ve let the monsters consume me. Tired of fighting while the days turn to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years. I used to believe and have hope but I am tainted. If I decided to live, I’d only be pretending and would prolong the inevitable suicide. I hate the pain of hunger, the mockingbird of life, and the disaster of loneliness that surrounds me. I know people are not really happy, they just pretend to be. Realistically, you just can’t have a good life, you just do what you can to make your survival more tolerable. How do people pretend for so long, I’m 21 and have known this since I was 14. How do they manage to make it to 50 or 60. I think people enjoy or endure the suffering because of the unknown possibility of a hint of peace or happiness. We all know nothing truly last forever but some still pretend, the vast majority does. I can’t say that I don’t think about it at times but reality is much stronger than my dreams.
I’m sorry that it has consumed you. I know how you feel. I suppose some people can last longer than others because giving up just isn’t in their make up. They may be able to flick the pain off like a speck of dust of their jacket. I think a little pain can be healthy, it is life experience, a natural expectation of what life can bring, a healthy dose of pain that is. The pain and damage monsters can cause isn’t healthy nor manageable. It isn’t in some people’s human experience to cope with it.
I was abandoned by my mother when I was 6 months old, raised by the state. It was only natural that I would become a people pleaser and would love more than usual. I really hate that it consumed me too. I would try again but what for, you know? I don’t have family, friends, or a job that I can keep without breaking down. I can’t eat because my money is all gone, when I did eat it was sugar cookies and soda. All that I could afford. I am already dead, figuratively speaking. Nobody has seen me or come to check on me since October. My ex would come because she felt sorry about my depression, then she told me to just leave a note about my suicide. I wish that things were different, I didn’t want money or attention, just somebody who would love me when I’m up and down. I will die alone, something I have to accept. No friends, family, or people. Just me, waiting to be discovered by my landlord when he comes to put me out.
I’m so sorry that this happened to you. I can understand why you would be vulnerable and easily taken for granted by people after that. You are 21 though, life will change, so it is definitely worth trying again. You do need support and help, and although you don’t have any family or friends to be there for you, you can get support somewhere, from a counsellor maybe. Some support is better than none, and with proper support and structure, you can turn life around. Perhaps it is better to cut off contact with your ex if she is saying things like that. You need people that will help you. I am sorry about the cookies and soda, processed foods won’t help with your mood either. I don’t know where you are but can you get some help from the state to get better meals? I’m sorry to hear all that you are going through. I don’t have many people in my life either, I tend to isolate and push people away when I don’t feel good about myself. I died a long time ago.
I would like to believe that but my experience has shown me otherwise. I hate to talk about my life, I lied about most of it to escape the pain. My ex is the only one who knows the truth and I was wrong for trusting her with it. It is too late for me, I’ve been drinking so much of the antifreeze, I think I’m starting to go blind in my right eye. I told the truth here though, it’s not much to someone else but to me, it’s enough. I’m glad you understand but it is over for me, I hope you can find some peace though. Maybe a spark of hope, enough to keep you going.
I’m sorry, but I think you need to stop drinking the anti-freeze. It pains me to hear this, and I never spoken to you before. I know you feel like you need to die.. but would you go to hospital and tell them what you have been doing, please. There is hope, but it won’t help the situation if you are destroying your body. You don’t know me, but please trust me to stop and get help. Please.
I’m sorry but I can’t cope with being homeless and more pain. I wish we would have met under different circumstances, you sound really nice.
I understand, because I wouldn’t be able to cope with being homeless either, but I also have a different set of circumstances than most. And thanks.. I am nice. I wish that those I care about would not be in this state. I don’t know you but it saddens me that you are doing this to yourself. I know you feel like it is too late, I understand that. If you go to hospital and tell them what you are going through, they can help you, detox you from the anti-freeze, set you up with a counsellor and help you get back on your feet. There are programs that will help. You need someone to talk to. If it helps for now, you can talk to me. Please listen to me and stop drinking that poison. 🙁
For me life is monotonous. The idea that i may be alive in 5, 10, or 20 yrs is bad. Real bad.