My Story

I guess it all started when I was a little kid. My parents fighting all the time and me being present when they did, it made me feel kind of sad, why did they fight? Was it because of me? And the answer was yes, or at least to me it was and it still is. I don’t blame them though, because that’s how they dealt with their problem (me) and now I deal mine with self-harm.

First time I cut was when I as about 11 years old and I did it because my dad had been yelling at me for a lot of things. I remember I ran crying from the kitchen to the bathroom and cut my left wrist with a razor. I didn’t feel pain or uncomfortableness, it felt quite alright actually, so the next time I felt like shit I did it again. And again. And again. And now, 4 years later, I still do it.

The thought of wanting to kill myself is always on my mind, I just don’t know how to do it. Do I jump from a bridge? In front of a vehicle? Hang myself? Cut myself really deep and bleed until I die? How do I do it?

I have a lot of “friends”, but I still feel alone, like I’m just a waste of space and I could be easily replaced without no one noticing. And my family is even worst, they judge me for every little move I make, every little thing I say. I’m just tired of them. The only person I’d be sad to leave would be my sister, she’s the only person I know that matters.

Sorry for the rambling, I guess that’s all I have to say. Thank you for reading if you did.