My fiance (if I can even call him that anymore) has resorted to lying about where he goes. Then I only find out when he gets random texts from people thanking him for stopping by on his way home and he asks me to check his phone for him. Not only that, I don’t like the way he talks to his female coworkers, but he doesn’t find it a problem and has called me “retarded” for being jealous and hurt. I’ve been with him for so long. It’s not a thing that lasted a year or two, or even four. Much longer than that. He obviously never had plans to actually marry me, he’s so abusive in all aspects, and there are many reasons why I can’t leave him. I hurt so bad. I always hurt so bad.
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Is he asking you to check his phone so you will find out? Purposely trying to get reactions from you? Maybe stop showing him a reaction then. I know you say you can’t leave but I wish you’d rethink that.
If it helps at all, you’re not alone in your pain.
You say can’t leave him — is there anything you can do to start quietly planning/preparing to exit? At the very least, can you start the process of emotionally distancing yourself from him? Change your routine, start doing things you like, with people you like? As much as you can, start making a life for yourself and building a supportive social network. The more you do now, the easier it will be to eventually take that final step of breaking away from him.
I know how heartbreaking this is, but your fiance is not the wonderful person he may once have been. He’s being an emotionally abusive shit, from the sounds of it, and it’s going to eat you alive if you let it. (I’m not judging you – I’m in a similar situation). Do whatever you need to to prepare first, but when the time is right I hope you can summon the strength to leave him. The sooner the better, for your sake.
I think yesterday’s note combined with today’s similar note is a steering current of sorts. Sadly, the advice from yesterday holds true today. This is a situation in which continuing to save will be your best asset. See what local resources are available. The sooner you can move forward with your life, the better.