So there was this guy. I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s been on my mind for almost a year. He isn’t just any guy though. He’s an adult. He was there for me when I needed him. He’s my ex best friends step dad. She told him what was going on with me. He stayed up talking to me and he got me drunk.. I know it was wrong. I know I shouldn’t have drank. Things got awkward and semi sexual. I admit that that was wrong as well. But a part of me liked it. A part of me felt important. A part of me fell for him. And all of me feels like shit for my feelings. He’s getting charged with things for what happened. The police think he wanted me to fall asleep so he could finger me and they think he had sexual intentions. But for some reason I can’t wrap my head around that. I trusted him. Why would he try to do that. The part of me that fell for him can’t stop thinking about him. Even when I was with my boyfriend my mind was on him and I hate this. Like why am I thinking this was about a 30 year old when I’m only 16.. I feel like a whore. My mom and therapist want me to go to victims counseling because I feel bad and I don’t want him to go to jail. They don’t know about my feeling towards him…
What do I do..?
32 comments
You stay away from him, deal w/ that pain of that, until you are old enough to be legal for him. That is what you do. End of story.
It’s not like that. He doesn’t like me like that… And he was suppose to be getting married until the police found out he had sex with a 16 year old. (That’s not me. We never had sex)
well the thing is, if you feel that way for him, he could be accused of something. Whether he likes you like that or not, it’s dangerous to be around him.
He already is accused of something…. It’s my fault and I feel like shit.. But it’s just so confusing…
well do you understand then what I mean? It sucks for you, I do understand that. Age doesn’t matter when it comes to feeling something for someone you connect with but unfortunately, there are legalities involved. And if you care about this guy, like I believe you do, you have to protect him and that means stay away. For his sake.
I do understand… And he doesn’t know my feeling though.. It’s just he’s been there for me for months then he’s not allowed to talk to me because the charges with the first girl it’s just ughhh
If this guy is 30, he’s old enough to know that legally, and moraly, what he did was wrong. It WAS NOT your he is accused of something… it’s HIS! HE was the one who had sex with a 16 year old. How was this your fault? He’s a grown man and responsible for his own actions. Also, WTF was he doing getting you drunk? Really sounds like he’s trying to take advantage of you. So basically here is a guy who…
1. Is unfaithful to his fiance
2. Goes for girls half his age (creepy)
3. Goes for children (really creepy)
4. Gives alcohol to children to facilitate all the above
I really hope you stay away from this guy and learn to recognnise a pathetic creep when you see one.
Right. What one_day said. Do not contribute to this guy’s …aberrations.
I know it was wrong on both of our parts. I should have said no.. It’s just no one had ever listen to me or what was wrong like he did. He understood me somehow and I really liked that…
You’re not a whore for having feelings for an adult. This isn’t unusual because children are trained to look up to adults. You’re at a fragile age and that is normal. But, an adult should know better. An adult should know they shouldn’t take advantage of impressionable children, no matter what the children says they want. That is why the law exists. You haven’t done anything wrong, it’s all his fault.
Then why do I feel like I betrayed him by telling the police? Why do I cry whenever I think about this? Why does my ex beat friend blame me?
Because you are a caring person and you hurt when you cause others pain. The question you should be asking yourself is: ‘Why doesn’t HE care that he betrayed your vulnerability by taking advantage of you? Why doesn’t he care that he put you in this bad situation?’
I can answer that for you: Because he doesn’t give a shit about other people, just himself. If he did, he wouldn’t have taken advantage of you.
The difference between you two is that you are kind and care about others, and he is selfish and cares only about himself. I can tell you from experience, these 2 kinds of people are not a good mix. He will suck you dry because he is a taker and you are a giver.
About your ex bf… chances are, they are siding with their family and who knows what lies he has told them. Sadly, in this situation, it’s so easy to blame the ‘other women’ for being a homewrecker. thats why I don’t recommend you put yourself in this position, because you will always be the bad guy.
One thing you’re gonna learn is guys will act like they “care” or will listen or understand when much of the time they’re just wondering what you look like naked. It can be tough to know when they are legit and when they aren’t. But like one_day said, the whole situation is very shady.
I should have realized.. I mean things he said were weird… But I don’t know I was more focused on him acting like he cared.
I think he was wrong and you just made a mistake… the difference is that he INTENTIALLY did something he knew was wrong, and you accidently did. So don’t beat yourself up for making a mistake. But please learn from the mistake.
Okay… I will.. Thank you….
I’ve personally dealt with pedophiles and they all play by the same rulebook. It’s easy to take advantage of a person that is emotionally in need and in need of a figure that can “guide” them and give them the attention they need in all respects. I completely empathize with what you’re saying. Mine approached me by targeting my interests and expressing mutual interest in them. Displaying pseudo compatibility is a key step in gaining someone’s trust, especially when they have lacked a compatible person all of their life. The next is becoming familiar enough with them to compliment them and gain their favor by satisfying their insecurities. The next step is sealing this with physical gestures of affection, in my case it was over the internet so he frequently bought me things to show that he truly “cared” about me. In the end it is all emotional manipulation, like others have said, an older man should be aware that it is *not* okay to sexually or even romantically approach an impressionable younger person who is not emotionally mature enough (not synonymous with intellectual or other kinds of maturity) to recognize and establish boundaries.
So basically he picked me because of my problems and I was semi vulnerable didn’t he?
He picked you because you’re vulnerable and an easy target, which is pretty common for any 16 yr old girl. Russo is right – that’s why paedos go for children. It wasn’t because of anything you did.
Why is it so hard for me to understand that it wasn’t my fault then..
I don’t want to ‘shrink’ you… but if I had to take a guess, I would say that you’ve got low self-esteem, and people with low self-esteem are conditioned to blame themselves, whatever the circumstances.
You didn’t do anything ‘wrong’ per se… you liked a guy. There’s nothing wrong with that. The mistake you made is that the guy you liked is a creep.
I do have low self-esteem…. And oh…
it wasn’t your fault sweetie, but you also do have a responsibility to stay away from him.
I have tried contacting him….. In the beginning when the first girl said they had sex to check if he was okay then I wished him a merry Christmas.. He never answered them.. So I don’t even think he wants to talk to me….
He can’t! And it’s your job, to realize that, and stay away. I know it’s tough.
Okay… I’ll try to cut him out of my life… First step deleting his number….
He knows that if he talks to you he will get in even more trouble… you both willl.. so just don’t contact him.
Deleting number, texts, etc all good moves.
Okay… And no more contacting…..
Don’t talk to him. I’m sorry, but he knew what he did was wrong. He has done this before. He had sex with a 16 year old. He is a predator and a manipulator. A predator grooms his victims. They will make you feel safe, they will make you feel you can trust them.. then they will take advantage of you. He knew exactly what he was doing to you.. took advantage of you.. it isn’t your fault. You are 16, he’s an adult, and a sexual predator- I’m sorry to say. Please listen to everyone.. stay away from this guy.
Okay…. I will….
One_day has been spot on with the advice. It’s not your fault. All the burden with what has happened to you, should be placed on him. You are young & vulnerable. You are getting to that age where you’re just starting to have grown up type feelings. Take a 3 x5 card & write down everything one_day has said & keep it with you.