the innate sadness attached to suicide is the brain trying to protect it’s genetic self…

…so as thinking beasts it is our duty to rationalize the shit out of such thoughts and conclude that suicide is nothing more than a choice; no more significant than choosing which shoes to wear on a bright summers day.
Our lives are not that significant in the universal pattern, they are infintely short and rather grotesque affairs. My life is no more important or grandiose than your life, or the life of a perceived saint, we are all part of the same sea, or shit ball, depending on your outlook. Don’t get me wrong, there are good people, and there are definitely bad people, but at the end of the day, literally, we all meet the same gateway; we all meet it alone; and i think we will all have the same jolly good rye laugh, (at that infinitely big/small event horizon), a laugh at the stupidity and meaningless of life.
We are told again and again, subliminally and explicitly, how we should be as individuals; we are pushed, right from the get go, into a particular mould and if we do not conform, or do not achieve accordingly, we become marginalized, by others and by ourselves. The cultural system therefore does not like individuals, this is the system hardwired into our brains, this is where, by and large, suicidal thoughts come from; where a lot of my thoughts come from.
However, I am still here. I want my suicide to be a rational affair, where i see clearly why i am choosing to leave. I will leave this sad merry-go-round as an individual and i will welcome my demise with an eternal belly laugh.