Fuck.
I’ve rewritten this so many times and still have no idea how to start this off. I guess I’ll start off like this. I moved to my new house almost 4 years ago when I was in 7th grade.
I didn’t handle it to well
I cried my second week of school in front of everyone, then again during lunch. I felt like I had lost everything. All my friends that took me years to make. After crying in front of everyone I stopped going to school. I’d miss like 2 or 3 days every week. I was told I would repeat (I didn’t) I managed to pass all my classes. I became very suicidal. I never told anyone.
I couldn’t make any friends at all.
In 8th grade I was alone and I spent lunch with these random girls who tried talking to me but I’m such an awful person who doesn’t allow anyone to get to close to me. I push everyone away and I just want to die.
Freshmen year of highschool was alright. I ended up hanging put with my sister and her friends during lunch because I still couldn’t make any. I felt like shit. Ditched a lot. I noticed she stopped hanging out with her friends from last year and it made me sad. Somehow I feel like its my fault that she no longer talks to them. Because I’m always there. Around her.
Because I’m not able to make friends.
I’m now in 10th grade and it sucks. I STILL can’t make friends. I STILL hang out with her during lunch. And Im STILL a horrible person. I’m just alone and it SUCKS. I’m fucking tired of being alone all the time. But I don’t know what else to do
5 comments
SnailyNini,
Finding it difficult to connect with others doesn’t make you a bad person – I’m the exact same way, as are many other people. It is hard for me to make conversation with people and I often feel as if I push them away in a way as well.
You seem convinced that you are an awful person, but it really simply sounds as if you are at a loss on how to make friends. That isn’t as uncommon as you may think – socializing isn’t easy for everybody. It may simply be a case of finding people that better fit your personality and that you can connect with more comfortably.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
Thank you, I know im not alone on this but it sure feels like it. Finding people to connect with is indeed hard but I’ll still continue to try ^^
I used to cry in school all the time, I feel you lol.
i’m not able to make friends either, so I empathize with your struggle, finding compatible people is hard and especially people that can cope and understand why you behave a certain way, people that don’t believe in the stigmas of being antisocial and depressed and are willing to adjust themselves to help you and acclimate to your behavior. I ditched a lot in school as well, in fact i’m supposed to be in chemistry right now but I can’t be bothered to attend something I don’t care about. I like quantum physics and math, but learning about why a nail rusts is boring as hell.
you’re not a horrible person unless you’ve committed horrible acts, others repulsion of you (which is self induced) is not a reflection of your value or character but rather a reflection of your actions which have valid reasons to justify them. don’t be so hard on yourself, give yourself time to amend what’s hindering you, friends don’t quantify your worth.
Thank you both very much, I feel a better reading those things. I know I’m not alone but it sure feels like it.
Thank you guys alot though it really helped ^-^
I promise you will never be alone. You just need to findd people with the same interests as you. I know what it feels like to be alone and I get what you are goin through