Tired of trying

I’m so tired of living (more precisely breathing). I wish I was tired of posting the same old repetitive story about my frustration, guilt and unsuccessful attempts of redemption too. But this is the only thing I can do, sit in front of a laptop and write about how miserable I am and how much that I hate myself. One prime reason that my guilt has amplified is because I could have avoided that.I used to be on the other side, the brighter side. I should have/ could have tried a little harder to change things for good but my attempts failed miserably for the unteempth time. I don’t think I have any enthusiasm left now.I am a life that has lost priority.I cannot focus and I underperform everytime.I choose not to concentrate on my problems. I’m lost and I’ve accepted my life the way it is. Its never going to get better on its own (acc. to my 4 yr old experience) and now that I’m completely out of my own grip, I’m gonna have to wear sadness and disappointment all my life. So the sooner I finish, the better it is. Having said all that, I am here to mourn the fact that I just let myself down and gave away another chance of redeeming myself today.If only I had focused more on my work than shedding tears. I hate myself to death.(Sry for my not so good english.It isn’t my first language and I never really paid much attention in my eng classes)