whew

well, folks, made it one more day.went to appointments with whitecoats. they actually let me leave. i was pretty amazed. dont know what kind, if any, help they will be,but hey, a little effort is better than none right? i dont trust these people,and old bad memories are evrywhere. i would prefer a more holistic approach, as that path has proved the most successful FOR ME, the physical effects of this past crisis still abound. weak, tired, feel like i have been hit in chest with sledgehammer,cant breathe, thoughts slow and sluggish, but that nagging desire to end it has finally subsided. once again. for now. and all of you helped. i want to let all of you know thank you, i am very gratful to you. we dont know each other, and yet we do.we share a common cause and a simple desire. in seeking help i strongly advise caution in the wording you use.i ended up calling the crisis line and the little girl called the cops on me. not a real good idea when using cops is high up on the meathods list. lol couldnt believe it. conventional therapy is doubtful for me, but maybe i can convince these yahoos to look at some of their meathods their has got to be a better way than locked up or drugged out of your mind. however, as an old drug addict, i gotta admit, they got some really good shit.  peace to all